Tuesday will be the start of the New Year. I’d like to have three guests for interview. How about that? Me the interviewer! In case you still aren’t convinced we are in weird times there you have your evidence.
Me: I’d like to thank all three of you for agreeing to sot in for this interview. (The nods came. Even the nods are sort of customized. One ‘looks’ genuine; the second is just like a piece of blank paper; the third one! Well the third one would be probably the one who’ll give me most of the hiccups and all the unpleasant sensations. His nod is unpleasant.)
I invited to the studio so we can talk about the problems affecting our society. As you know we are facing a multitude of problems and almost all are the results of human action. (All three seem like they were some static creatures with nothing about them moving even a fraction of an inch, not a single nerve twitching. I didn’t even start with the real questions and they play the serious guy game. I’m not falling for that. ) To solve these problems I think we first have to identify and classify them. (Look at me acting like the conquistador of the studio. I’m lecturing them and I could feel them sizzling inside; “Who does he think he is trying to talk up to us that way!)
What do you think are our society’s outstanding problems and how can we solve them? (I know some interviewees could talk for half a day about that without even beginning to answer the question. Well someone should talk endlessly for me to feel the two hour slot! The keep your sentences short” and “stick to the point” advices are sometimes the interviewers’ and interviewees’ worst nightmares. I mean it; thirty five minutes into the interview the guys run out of what to say, you having run out of your questions after asking the second one.)
Guest A: – (He clears his throat. They all do, don’t they? It must be some display of importance. They clear their throats even if there is nothing interfering in that part of their anatomy.) I think the most important problem is that people are jealous. (What! What the hell is he talking about! I just hope he didn’t visit the watering hole downstairs in the building the studio is found. )
Me:- Sorry, don’t you think we’ve other outstanding problems than things like jealousy.
Guest A: – That is what you think. People are jealous. They don’t want to see you leading the good life. I think all the country’s problems would be solved if we do away with jealousy. (Just like that! He makes it sound a few of just go out with sleeves rolled and throw a few pinches ad jealousy is flat on the floor! I was about to challenge him when the other guys jumped in.)
Guest B: – I don’t think jealousy is the main problem. (Guest A’s face starts displaying too many lines than normal.)
Me:- What in your opinion is the main problem holding us back?
Guest B: – The main problem is people don’t like to work. (That is the “Wow!” moment.) Many in fact are lazy. (What! This dude is not going to put me in the firing line! I’m not letting him go with that.)
Me:- Isn’t that a little harsh sir? I mean in any society there are the workaholics and there are the lazy. But you’re generalizing and I don’t think that’s right. (The faces of all three display the same message. “Who cares what you think, you *&%$! You’re the messenger boy blockhead! Just deliver the questions and try to fill that empty journalist’s head of yours with some knowledge!”)
Guest B: – That’s the problem with you journalists. The concepts are too big for your little brains. (My hair starts to stand when rescue comes in the form of Guest C.)
Guest C: – I don’t agree with the both answers. The most important problem is that people aren’t intelligent enough. (No! not yet another one! I was thinking about ways of cornering Guest B and getting the applause and this one comes with a real bombshell!)
Me:- What makes you say that?
Guest C: – Because that’s the case and on one is talking about this. Not even you journalists.
Me:- You mean a country’s people all have to be intelligent for the nation to progress! (Who the hell do you think you are to make such a statement when I know that you hold your present high position because of strings pulled? I can guess the big fish who made it all happen!)
Guest C: – You journalists never understand do you? (Yes. The journalist is the scapegoat. I could have said things about each of them that would have seen them running to one border of another barefoot. But I’m a nice guy and wouldn’t do that. My bosses also would probably give a dressing down I’ll never forget; “You’re there to ask questions not to argue.” I’ll be lucky if I avoid the marching orders as big phone calls form big offices aren’t nice news for journalists.) I’m talking from facts.
Me:- Sorry, I’m asking this question because I’ve never heard researches being conducted or studies being conducted on the issue.
Guest C: – We…well, I…I was try…trying…. (Bingo! I got him. He stammered! The guy stumbled on his own words! And that coming from a guest that moments ago was trying to make a moron out of me it is nothing less than Godsend!) …to put things in perspective. (Perspective my #%$^! Cut the word play and get to the point! No he wouldn’t get to the point. Because he doesn’t have any. In too many so-called interviews you hear generalized comments and opinions from the guests made without any supporting facts. And the salt in the wound is that most of the time the interviewers don’t press the guests. That’s why we have so many philosophers, the know-all self-crowned geniuses and the like because their unsubstantiated and highly arrogant comments or narratives are seldom challenged!)
Demonizing the other side is a global sport these days. Demonizing has taken the place of wise exchange of ideas. When short of ideas demonization is the simplest thing to do and the shortest lane to take out of maybe an embarrassing situation. My guests are proving to be perfect at demonizing whole societies! Aren’t all like that!
Of course in the final analysis the pieces would fall in place and truth wins the days, however much times it takes. We should scale back at demonizing what we call “the other side” and concentrate on the real issues of life.
After all, sharpshooting blanks wouldn’t allow us to cross many bridges, would it!
THE ETHIOPIAN HERALD SUNDAY 10 SEPTEMBER 2023