A family which was one of those quite reserved families not making too much unnecessary noise finding itself in a sort of dilemma. The elder boy graduated a few months back while his younger and brilliant sister is in senior high. The father makes a fairly modest income as a midlevel civil servant while his wife is much of the time bedridden.
That worries him very much and he is in constant frustration because with the money he makes every month there was no way he could satisfy let alone everything but even half of what his wife needs and asks for, which she seldom does. It seems she has come to terms with what she probably thought was her fate. She probably has thrown the towel into ring of life and was waiting for the final call.
But her husband and father of two was that hard nut to crack and he was not giving up. He has to do everything within his means even if only to lessen the suffering of the mother of his children. That was what brought about this issue with his son.
Now the boy has told his parents in those early days after graduation his plans were to continue to work for another degree. This time he’d be studying some profession which he believes would make him automatically employable. The field for which he collected his first degree happens to be one with more graduates than any other field and a very high competition and far fewer vacancies. It is common about young people who remain unemployed for years. You might ask why he chose that field in the first place. He didn’t. Luck saw him thrown in that direction and he had no choice but to comply. His parents while not publicly saying so they appeared to have no problem with their son’s plans, until, of course reality comes knocking.
Dad has to deeply think about things and probably weigh the pros and the cons before he finally decides to talk to his son. He tells his son things weren’t good around the house as his mother’s condition was worsening by the day not because she was unresponsive to treatment but because she wasn’t getting enough treatment for lack of funds. With life getting more expensive and harder practically for everyone around the half-ladder mark and lower dad just couldn’t go on wearing those forced smiles and cut-and-paste nice words. So what was to be done? Dad asks his son to shelve his plans of working for a second degree and seek employment even for a few years to prevent his wife’s condition from deteriorate any further.
The young man, understandably, wasn’t ready for such a question and he was at first …as to what he’d say to his father. After a few minutes he kind of pushes back. He tells his faith that in the first place it was impossible to get any employment at this time and also he wanted to have a second degree which he said would be in computer science as soon as he can. Dad wasn’t pushing aggressively and was as diplomatic as possible. In fact this was a family where raises were raised any higher than the normally are parents and their two children were the perfect family despite the economic strait jacket they are in for most art of the year.
Now dad has another reason for wanting his son to start earning some money as soon as possible. He had to try create some insurance in case he fails to see another New Year. He had this secret which he vowed to take to his grave. Only he and his doctors knew the details. He too was sick in ways that he couldn’t tell anyone let alone his wife and kids. It doesn’t show that much on his normal character and neither his family, nor any other person close to him had any suspicion that he was hiding something or anything.
“Look son, I am not trying to force you do something you didn’t want to. The final decision is yours, and yours only. But you see how hard we try to go through the month and you know about how much I get every month and I have even to go for loans because I’m afraid we much actually starve. If you can manage to get employed even if for only a few years I’m sure we could get your mother back on her feet.” The son out of words and probably out of ideas he just remained mute.
The following words were probably the toughest to articulate; “I’ll think about it, dad.” there weren’t the most assuring words if one also read the veins and blood zigzagging all across his face! The father’s head turns downwards and he sobs. His son was so deeply toughed at seeing his dad in such a situation he practically sprung back to go to where dad was, embrace him and he too couldn’t manage the flood that was gushing down his cheeks.
On the other hand his sister who was one of the best of the best students throughout all her years of elementary and secondary schools plans to study medicine. And her parents and elder brother were very satisfied by her choice. For sure, this was a very wise girl who would get what she asks for concerning her academic studies. The irony here was that she personally offered to lay off her studies for a few years after graduating from high school for a few years and earn some money so her mother, for whom she had the strongest of affections, is finally freed from her excruciating suffering. Mom was indeed having it tough, very tough. Now isn’t that one really strong and really commendable families.
Now I wanted to raise this issue because many families who practically scratch their way through the highs and lows of life virtually on the tip of the fingernails to see their kids through college many times are thrown out on the wayside as the kids practically abandon them and leave them to luck. It is nice to see that all is not lost on that front and that there are families as strong as strong could be.
-Sending the Wrong Signs
Recently I was at an event where I don’t usually go to just because someone for whom I have the highest regard pressed me so much. So I say to myself, “A few minutes to make him happy wouldn’t be for nothing.” Facts be told and you can point me out as a sort of introvert but I am your one guy, who for one reason or another, doesn’t enjoy socializing especially where I don’t know who nine of every ten people are.
This time I make the expectation and did I enjoy it? Well, let me tell you what things looked like. Now, the crowd present largely on the higher rungs of the economic ladder and to say anything was lacking would be an understatement and a bad one too. Everything was just simply flowing. Forget the buffet which seemed to run for miles from the point of view of someone who had a glass or two over their threshold.
But when it comes to drinks I have to admit that I was practically left aghast at witnessing that people, and well-placed people too, just down glasses after glasses of every type of drink with such ease and not the slightest consideration as to what it might do to them. I was at the farther corner luckily having found a rather comfortable sofa and the fellow who invited me was all over the place dropping but every now and them and encouraging me to have more drinks. I didn’t have more than a couple of sips and have no plans of having any more.
Now as the minutes ticked by the mood started changing. Many times I hear from people I know who have witnessed things by themselves and third-person narratives about the wildest of behaviors seen in these places. After all the red lines of guzzling whatever drink comes their way the real story begins. Conflicts start here and there as voices of people who usually are soft-spoken and reserved are raised like they never have been before; physical activities become a little more out of the ordinary and erratic as little groups appear here and there. Verbal exchanges usually end up in physical altercations as on side or anther tries to keep up some fight.
The irony is that at other corners away from the physical chaos couples are seen in kinds of motion as some attempts to fondle and probably paste a kiss or two on a pretty lady’s pretty cheeks and whatever end up in ‘victory. It could be surreal to tell you the truth. Having stopped at the two-sip mark I didn’t have any concentration problems. Being the complete control of all my faculties I could see things for what they actually are. Well, no one can deny that’s a plus. But then some of the actions I witnessed on the part of people who seem to be well into their prime was so shocking you can’t help asking yourself “Do we really have the moral high ground to criticize the young for such and similar actions? No. never.
Where in the world was the guy who invited me? This being so out of tune, and the lights having been intentionally dimmed, for reasons we can only suspect picking out people you may know was a little more challenging. But having witnessed scenes which would have preferred I hadn’t, the urge to just dart to the doors of the hall and just take to my feet away from it all was so much I just wanted to thank the guy and bid him farewell. Finally I saw him having some discussions which from afar appeared to be serious with a couple of gentlemen and everything about them looked normal as normal is expected to be.
As if this telepathy thing was in action he causally turns his head towards my direction and realizes my eyes were on him. He practically hurried towards where I was. At least I knew he wouldn’t press me to stay any longer. He didn’t. We hugged. I voiced all the nice words I could remember thanking me from giving me the honor of being part of the whole thing. Of course, we both knew the latter part of what I said was just to give things a little vibe and nothing more.
A few days alter we meet for a completely different reason having to do with some work he wanted me to do for him. I took the opportunity to raise about things I witnessed at that wild party. He practically laughed his head off.
“You liked it, didn’t you?” he asks me between his roaring laughter. I say how could I like things I didn’t understand and couldn’t explain to myself? I knew he was mocking me when he asked what part of the event I didn’t like.
“It is not about liking or disliking!” I tell him about some of the unexpected things I witnessed, those things I couldn’t put on paper.
“What about them?” He was mocking me! He then looked a little serious and asked me I wouldn’t be angry if he told me something. No, I wouldn’t! He confesses he invited me to that place for me to witness the very things I was raising firsthand. “As I am writer and as someone who is locked in 24/7 I wanted you to see for yourself what the middle-aged and older generations of the city were doing when it comes to entertaining themselves.” Then he goes on to criticize almost everyone for concentrating only on the young who have moved off truck while the real story was with the older guys who should have known better than acting in ways that shocks those unfamiliar with what really happened.
Look, the moral decay is a global scourge and there is a long way to maneuver before the pieces fall back into their places and sanity reigns. I don’t know what leads the older people to act in ways which are not only abhorrent but which, unchecked, would give all the wrong signs to the younger generation which will fall for the wrong generalizations.
“They do it; and why should it be bad when we do!”
THE ETHIOPIAN HERALD SUNDAY EDITION 25 MAY 2025
