Ephrem Endale:Contributer
Some guys recently found themselves in a very offensive environment at a restaurant the name of which they chose to keep with themselves. The three of them chose to have lunch at that place not for any special reason which had anything to do with culinary choices but because there was an open parking space nearby. They’ve already sat and their orders taken when three very smartly dressed men and a pretty lady dressed like she was about to go on the runway come in. Now they say, “…don’t judge a book by its cover.” But as the three-some narrate the story the newcomers had all the making of self-crowned VIPs so many of which seem to be popping up all over the place these days. They look at the place where our three-some were firmly placed and waiting for their orders to be served.
The self-crowned VIPs summon the headwaiter and mumble something to him. The headwaiter comes rushing to the table of the three-some and tells them to relocate to another table nearby. Now as they tell it, he wasn’t asking for their cooperation anything humble enough. The fellow practically ordered them. Now these fellows being some of the wittingly smart guys in town realized the newcomers were behind the whole thing. That offended them even more. Please note they were dressed in the most casual way like they always did, though all of them were highly paid guys. Their answer left no room for doubt, “No we’re not moving!” The headwaiter ends up with a multifold forehead maybe to warn them he meant business. They just ignored him and went on with their lively chat.
It was then his tone, his everything go into a U-turn and starts pledging saying the newcomers were regular customers and liked that particular table. The three-some got really pissed and one says, “We wouldn’t move. You can call the police if you like!” That did the trick. The headwaiter glides back to the newcomers like a cat with its tail between its legs and says something to them at the same time trying to take them to another table in the half-empty restaurant. They left! And the headwaiter’s glare at the three-some meant anything must have missed a very mouth-watering tip opportunity.
Look, speaking of such types, meaning the self-crowned VIPs some parts of the town are awash with them. You know if these guys wrote some letter to us I think it would sound something like this;
“This letter is to whoever thinks he/she is concerned about things that have to do with us. I’ve been told that you are running your mouth all over the place. They tell me you’re saying a hundred and one things about my new three story residence. At least, you’ve come close to the truth when you say it cost thirty million birr; it actually cost thirty-five million. But what’s it to you where I got that much money! You’d probably throw yourself under a train or something if you knew how much I’m actually worth. I know you guys are bleeding inside due to jealousy. Let me give you a piece of advice; if you insist on being jealous be jealous about something you could at least see in one of those Gordon Gin-induced dreams. All of you down there are so jealous you wouldn’t come anywhere to places where a million people live let alone acquire a million birr! Keep on gritting your teeth until you have none left!
“As if the gossip about the money wasn’t enough you’re also telling pole I’m close to powerful people in high places. So what! Poor you, anyone who tells you that having people in high places has something is doing you a disservice keeping from going anywhere to one. of course now I’m not your moron; I wouldn’t in a thousand years guess you have any chance getting anywhere close to people in high places; But then if you’ve known what having people in high places meant you wouldn’t have been foolish enough to accuse me of having quite solid walls to lean on. Yes they’ve helped me here and there and they will keep on doing so. Where do you think I got the money from, you moron! But there is no sinning or any crime getting closer to people in the right places. That’s wisdom you good-for-nothing….!
“And about lunch some of us had a couple of weeks back; Every time you open your mouth you’re showing people the emptiness of your pea-sized mind. Yes a few of us chartered a small plane and went to Djibouti for a Sunday lunch? And I can tell you it was one of the most sumptuous lunches I ever had. What’s wrong with that? Why are you shocked? What if I told you my current girlfriend goes to Nairobi to have her hair made! You people never wake up, do you?
But I’m something. Maybe not for you, but for many I’m something.”
What I admire about you people is that you seem to pride yourself over the most trivial things. And I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that! In fact it’s nice as it keeps you from losing your minds seeing at how we are living. Just because you have a one thousand birr pair of shoes on your feet you think that’s some ‘breaking’ news; well, for you it is! Smiling all the way to your ears over a thousand birr pair of shoes! You guys are real works of nature to show us even there are people for whom worst of the worst is God-sent miracle. Well I have to admit there are things better than going on bare feet, like a thousand-birr pair of shoes. Look, if ever there comes a time when I’d be forced to buy shoes costing less than ten thousand birr I’d consider it I’m already in hell on earth! No offense but some of us aren’t cut out for that sort of life!
“By the way you have also been a cursing me for not giving to charity! Why the hell should I! Let me tell you the fact that the likes of me are found in your midst is charity by itself. The only thing is you don’t have the onslaught to face reality! The moment we’re out of the picture would be placing your lungs out for us to get back into the picture; and you have the guts to accuse me of not giving to charity! Take this advice from me; don’t waste your breath over such things because you don’t count!”
If you readers think there aren’t souls who could be so blunt then you’re missing out on changing times. All kinds of stories are being played out in places where the self-crowned VIPs frequent and you only discover about such things if you find yourself in those places by design or accident!
And when a group of that breed demands you change tables tell them; “Go find your own table!”
THE ETHIOPIAN HERALD SUNDAY EDITION 22 JANUARY 2023