What’s wrong with saying “I’m sorry!”?

 Ephrem Endale

Contributer

A very small matter. By small I mean real small. It was just one of those incidents you face in the streets of Addis multiple times every day. There was this young man very busy joking with his girlfriend or whatever she was. I mean the way they were talking and the way he was sending his hands everywhere in the middle of the crowded streets tells you she’s just that, a girlfriend. Come on, even his most favorite daughter on an auntie wouldn’t ally such ‘intrusions’ in a crowded street lest people might have a lot of ideas. Anyways, all his attention drawn to her he was not aware of what was around him. At this time, he bumps into another lady who was minding her own business walking to wherever she was going. She was one woman with all the making of a ‘village woman.’ You know what I mean, those no-nonsense ladies always in combat-mode, who’d tell you whatever they think about you to your face, and anywhere they deem necessary. We really need their type in numbers. You know, these ladies are not given to theatrical stupidities where through the most unnatural smiles we in away give the thumbs-up to some wrongs done.

This lady staggers and only the quick hands of some pedestrians saved her from hitting the ground. Saying she was furious would be an understatement. She was boiling inside out! Blaming her for losing her cool would be easy, wouldn’t it? But easy doesn’t mean fair. The fellow or you might call him the aggressor, because his action was nothing less than pure violence, however unintended, was fuming too! (And you thought this world isn’t as weird as some make it to be! well, this one is food for thought.) He, too, was furious! I mean the guy unloads all seventy-something kilos of him on the poor lady and he’s angry!

As soon as she regains her composure she physically charges at him and again hands restrained her. Then she went into unending rant calling him everything she thinks of. Look, I can feel some of you thinking, “Didn’t this lady learn any manners?” well, the truth is the guy almost sent her flat on her back onto a horribly and mutilated sidewalk. If those last minute helping hands weren’t there no one knows what could have been if she indeed fell all the way. We can only imagine and all the pictures aren’t good. What can you expect; and I told you where she probably came from. (By the way the incident took place on a sidewalk close to one of those legendarily ‘tough’ villages. Name withheld!)

Yes, yes the names she was calling him are in no way nice: No one wants to be called them! But we can’t ignore what really took place and in cases like this people naturally lose their cool. The fellow acting like he was about to take on some whole battalion singlehanded did nothing to drive away the approaching dark clouds. Look, the least any person could have said when they know they are in the wrong, is say, “I’m sorry!” No question that he was the culprit in this case. And he still acts like it had been an attack on him. What did he do? I knew you’d ask me that. He called her names! That’s what that creature did. He made it a war of insults, and insults of the worst kind. The words which came out of his mouth equaled those which came out of hers. Now, do you have an idea what kind of a worthless mass of flesh and bone this guy was? A simple “I’m sorry!” would have calmed the lady better than anyone could have with soothing words! And he’s too proud to say it. What, say sorry? And in front of that pretty young lady with him at that! And apologize to ‘another lady.’ No, that was not going to happen!

It is not only the little things like the spilled coffee on your two-grand pants or on your size forty-something “European’ shoes. And, hey about the spilled coffee thing; now that is not much to laugh about. Spill a drop of it on my five hundred forty Birr pants and you’ll wonder how people could be so angry!

Something must be very wrong with such guys. How can a simple “I’m sorry;” bring down any roof over someone’s head. Many if has seen the most precious of things and luck slip out of our hands just because we’re not courageous enough to admit, “I was in the wrong. I’m sorry.”

I have some theory; when suddenly the money flows in or when power comes in one way or another, arrogance prevails! How about that? I mean one of the ‘sins’ threatening to cut our social fabric into tatters is arrogance. In fact, you almost see it everywhere though it’s displayed in a hundred and one ways. And with arrogance come all the weird analogies.

“I cannot slide down and apologize to lowly staff members who didn’t get the raises, promotions or whatever they’re saying they didn’t get. I’m not going to shame myself.” Yes, that unfortunately, is what many of us think. By saying “I’m sorry;” we think we are breaking into the den of a colony of hungry lions. “Me apologize to her? You must be out of your mind!”

“But you were the one who made the promises. Do you remember that meeting last year? You even asked them to give you just a couple of months and they would get their raises and promotions.

“So what?”

“What do you mean, so what?”

“What if I promised them raises, promotions or anything and nothing happened? Are you implying I’m the reason for it?

“No; but by making such promises you derailed their plans.”

“What do you mean by that? What plans are you talking about?”

“Some of them had already finalized to go to other organizations paying far more than you guys do.”

“Listen to me I’m never, and I mean it, never going to apologize to anyone. And I’m saying never! Not while sitting it this chair or anywhere else.”

The boss himself abandoned his workers in the middle of the river just when they needed his intervention and the idea of saying “I’m sorry;” eats him inside out! What’s wrong with the lot of us anyway!

“Your honor, if it’s alright with the court I have a proposition to make as to what kind of punishment the defendant deserves.”

“The court is ready to consider your proposition.”

“Your honor let him be ordered to say “I’m sorry!” fifty times daily in public squares for the next eighteen months.”

“That’s the wisest proposition this court has heard in the last decade or so. The court hereby rules that the defendant should shout “I’m sorry!” a hundred times a day in public squares for the next three years. Court adjourned.” And the hammer comes down! Wouldn’t you have liked such rulings on some of us!

The Ethiopian Herald  10 July 2022