There’s this line I really enjoy listening to, not because it makes your brain work but because it smacks it dead like anything. (Some times when a thousand and one frustrations pummel you from all sides maybe a brain temporarily out of action might be the best way to save you from going all the way overboard. “Hey, I want your opinion about something. You can think it over and get back to me.”
“Sorry I can’t do that.”
“What does that mean? I’m not asking for anything, only that you think about it.”
“Well, friend that’s the problem. The cells in my brains are out of action for undisclosed time.”
“Sorry, I didn’t know that.”
“Of course you didn’t know. But what was that sorry thing about?”
“I never knew you were that sick.”
“I’m not sick you moron! I’m…”
Forget it. You admitted the cells of your brains are out of action and how were you expecting him to act? Shower you with kisses!
Anyway I was telling you about this thing I like. Someone is talking about something and someway he’s smarter than the lot of us. And what does he do? He ‘quotes’ some philosopher from some age you never knew even existed. “There is this quote by a philosopher whose name I couldn’t recall!” take it from me and that’s the safest route to escape the scrutinizing eyes. I mean if you ascribe ‘the quote’ to some name then someone would Google it and see if that fellow really said those things! So you don’t remember and there is no worldly or heavenly that makes you a rule breaker or something for not remembering what someone said at one time or another.
Look, there is this Amharic joke that more or less says a lady drops what is tucked under her armpit when she was trying to pick something put up there. Once someone say this quote was said by Lenin. Then one of those overhearing asks, “When did Lenin say such a thing?” And the fellow is said to have answered, “There’s nothing Lenin hasn’t said.” Not a bad argument, is it? It was almost customary in this country during ‘the era’ of the heavy boots that you have to quote someone (preferably ‘a revolutionary,’) every time you speak in meetings or elsewhere such events. If it isn’t Mao then it is Marx.
I’ve never had the experience of enjoying standing ovations. Never been to a place where you could get one. On the individual level I sure must have gotten a one-person standing ovation. You can ask that ‘lady friend’ (Ha!) of mine who left me in the middle of the desert for being the most boring person in her life. How can I be boring? Yes, I don’t talk much; yes, I’m at cracking jokes; yes, I’ve never tried my legs on the dance floor; how can she say I’m boring for being my uninteresting self! What am I talking about! Anyway, if you look real keenly you can see many of us craving for some standing ovation. Most of the time that is why you hear the most stupid things said on stages.
We’re a society nice enough to give standing ovations for a standup comedian whose comedy is so bad many in the audience have to make repeated trips to the rest rooms. And the guy who was supposed to booed off the stage thinks it would be good to stay for another fifteen minutes to ‘reward’ the audience for giving him that standing ovation. The cleaning women would have a hard time to bring back the rest rooms to acceptable standards.
I used to go to musical shows in here halls during holidays. Well, those are bygone days, and I no more go to such events. Why the hell should I give myself duodenal ulcer when the worst singer who should have been sanctioned not to sing a single song for the next quarter of a century gets standing ovation that brings roofs down. What do you mean maybe it was all about my being unable to appreciate real music! Well, maybe! (Not in the mood for any kind of conflict! Ha!)
There is this standup comedian I like listening to. His jokes have so much current substance you know the fellow really does his homework. At one event he says there was this terrible singer who instead of being booed off gets the cheers and shouts for the song to be repeated. This goes on this for three or four times. Finally, the singer almost drunk with the cheers excuses himself saying that he was tired and needed a little rest. Then one man in the audience shouts, “You’re going nowhere until you sing that song right!” isn’t that Grammy material!
THE ETHIOPIAN HERALD SUNDAY EDITION 3 JULY 2022