Ephrem Endale: Contributer
Have you ever wondered why people are so keen to dig deep into the private lives of others? I’m not talking about the usual, “How much money does he make?” “Who’s his concubine?” “Does she cheat on her husband?” “Is she really thirty-one as she claims she is?” I mean when they try to dig into your kitchen, bedroom and, here is the catch, the color of your bed sheets! You can imagine that anyone snooping that far into the lives of others would care about no boundaries. And what’s more, there must be some ill design behind such snooping. What does anyone benefit by learning someone uses green bed sheets? Unless, of course, he is in the bed sheets selling business!
“Hey I heard you love violet bed sheets. I’ve the best quality in my shop.”
I stopped at the bed sheets (even going that far could be blasphemy of sorts!) because you can expect where I’d end up if I crossed all the lines. Well. That is what recently happened and prompted me to say a word or two on the issue. Someone crossed all the lines and all hell broke loose.
These four late-thirtyish married women were having a nice time like they always did every fortnight or so. Sometimes a couple of them have a little too much to drink. By what you might call mutual understanding one of them should always be sober enough to drive. So that person can’t have more than two bottles of beer maximum. That particular late Saturday afternoon one of them had much, too much to drink on the pretext of some happy thing that happened to her. Her friends later said what exactly the reason was. They talked and joked about everything and anything when things started getting a little too personal. The one expected to drive home was the subject of some jokes thrown at her and they say it was laughter allover. They are among members of the species which still enjoys joking not only about others but about oneself too; a species on the verge of extinction.
It was at the height of this jovial atmosphere the hopelessly drunk lady dropped the nuke. Referring to the driver-in-waiting she says she heard some stories about the very private life of her and her husband, look, I’m beating around the bush to avoid taking the bull by the horns. But, just to save you from curiosity the drunken lady was talking about what she said were the bedroom antiques of the couple. They say the world practically stood on its head. The target lady was so furious she unexpectedly rushes to the drunk with the beer bottle at the ready. The other two were so shocked about all that was happening and were pinned to their seats unable to move or talk. Luckily others who were at a nearby table jumped just in time. This happened about a couple of months or so back and the friendship has turned into only memories. The victim (because she’s a ‘victim!’) has refused to talk not only to her tormentor but to the others too. She later said they should have interfered and made the drunk shut her mouth. But then the two as shocked and as stunned as she was! How could they act when their system was on lockdown? But having shut all doors no one could explain this to her.
“Look what wrong did the two of them do? They were as shocked as you were.”
“I don’t want to talk about it!”
“All I’m trying to do…”
“I said I don’t twat to talk about such things.”
Dear Peacemaker, go and reward yourself with a glass of the best tej in town! At least you’ve tried.
Can anyone blame this lady for being so worked up! There is this thing they call private life. Maybe we are watching too much of the worst television. I mean, if someone comes and asks on which side of the bed does your wife sleep you know that people aren’t joking when they talk about boiling blood! That’s what actually happens, your blood boils like anything! “He asks me on which side of the bed my wife sleeps?” You just wish you jumped into action on your own without asking him on which side of his cheek he wants your punch to land. Wouldn’t that be the nicest thing since the invention of the light bulb? “Hey. You good for nothing snooping whatever; on which side of your b&^% do you want me to kick you?”
Say this guy has lost his job and is exercising probably the darkest days of his life. Mind you he didn’t resign; they kicked him out all the way to the sidewalks outside. Why he was axed is an issue for debate. He says it was some sort of vendetta. His boss says it was because of what he did, breaking what he promised not to do in his employment agreement. What was that? He was heard saying that the enterprise was on its deathbed because it was run by the worst management ever.
“Did you actually use the words?”
“What difference does it make? It is an enterprise that has been deep in the red for the last five years and what do you want me to say, that it is the next bleed place a stone’s throw away from Heaven?”
“I asked you if you used exactly those words.”
“Yes I did.”
“And do you expect them to give that steep raise you have been dreaming about all your life when you’re accusing them of putting the enterprise on its deathbed”
“Deathbed is just a figure of speech.”
“Look, I’ve heard the boss kicked you out because you were having an affair with his wife.”
Now that is crossing the border by hundreds of miles. Accusing people of such things is not an everyday thing. By saying he was sleeping with the wife of his boss the ‘message’ will someway get its way to his own wife. And all the gossip might be only that, gossip! Can you blame this guy for visualizing him picking you up and hurling you all the way to that heap of waste down the road?
THE ETHIOPIAN HERALD SUNDAY EDITION 3 JULY 2022