Of course, it might sound rude, crude or even evil for some. But then sometimes what has to be done has to be done. “Period!” as some politicos seem to be fond of saying these days. Sooner or later, you might have to tell someone, “It’s none of your business!” because that’s the only to pump in some sense into people poking their noses into all the wrong places. I mean with almost every other guy with a smartphone and Wi-Fi access thinking he has inherited Einstein’s grey matter and acting as the ultimate arbiter of life the things you hear these days range from the utterly stupid to the shockingly bizarre.
On the harmless side, I still remember a friend of mine telling me several years back what he thought was ‘breaking news.’
“Did you hear?”
“Did I hear what?”
Just a reminder, in case you sit for some aptitude test one thing about being active around the media is that many think you have access to every and all information, they take you as that two legged encyclopedia with ready answers to every and all questions under the sun. I’m sorry to tell you we’ve many of the dumb and the dumbest among our ranks and you couldn’t pick out who’s who because we’re so gifted in taking you guys down the garden path!
“They’re going to decree communism.”
“So…sorry; are you telling me we’re going to be communists.”
“Yes!”
“Where did you hear that from?”
“From reliable sources;” ‘reliable sources’ means anyone who could tell fakest of fake stories without as much of a blink; stories which would make Rip Van Winkle a real life hero!
At that time I and others who heard the story thought the guy was a spineless loser who can’t even try to give matters a second look. “How in the world could he think communism would be an official doctrine especially in this age? He must be filling his bladder with too much of the wrong brand gin!” (There must be ‘wrong’ and ‘right’ brands over there! Just a hunch; I know a couple of guys who have started feeling offended when people started talking about drinks. Draught beer at thirty birr a glass I can tell you they would have been surfing the net for that ‘little red book’ to see how the ‘trailblazers’ started revolutions had they known there was anything called ‘little red book!’ At some historical juncture the very act of holding that ‘little red book’ in your hands elevated you to the front row seat of red-hot revolutionaries!)
Then as time went by I have to admit I had to rethink my conclusions about the friend who broke it to me that I was to be one of the hundred million-plus newly ‘anointed’ communists! Maybe he has it better; just maybe he’s mentally far better off than me because his is some brain with quite several ‘vacancy’ corners. No real horror stories! No sleepless nights because of the mess that’s all over the place! You could feed any story to such guys claiming that you’ve informers in the highest circles of power and they would spread it so fast it comes back to you as a new ‘confidential’ breaking story!
So, I was talking about those who dig their way into the private lives of others; those who needed to be told in black and white, “It’s none of your business!” Now you can tolerate those guys talking about other things. Despite your discomfort you might feign interest while you’re actually thinking the about the lady at that downtown office; the lady with that, so you thought, ‘inviting’ look just a few hours earlier. “Was she sending me some message?” And the dude thinking he has got your attention could go on for eternity. But when talk becomes too private for comfort like demanding to know the color of your bed sheets it’s time to say, “It’s none of your business!”
Let’s say a guy with whom you now and then sit for a couple of beers says, “I heard that your wife is losing weight; isn’t she alright?” Wha…what did he say? Did he say ‘your wife’ or am I imagining things! If I’m hearing what hasn’t been said it meant this morning’s must be my worst hangover for quite some time. Though I had only three beers last night, when the bill came I remember feeling I was made an unsuspecting shareholder of the company! Surprise! “Thank you for your first shareholder payment!” Look, people probably have been made shareholders for money not much higher than what was written on the bill. “All these for tasteless three bottles of beer!” Of course what makes things tasteless isn’t the actual the beer but THE BILL! So the hangover is not about the alcohol that made it into the blood streams but wads of bills that made it out of your wallet!)
Now I don’t think any friend, best or ‘normal,’ has any reason to talk about your wife’s weight! I mean if you let the guy go away with such intrusion next time he might ask you, “Do you actually know the measurement of your wife’s bust line?” and if this happens the only thing that would come to your mind is bust him like he has never been busted since his mother while still in the ‘new maternity’ bed complained, “How in the world could God curse me with such an ugly child!” and dad refused to acknowledge fatherhood with, “Never in our family has such a little brute been born!) So when the intrusion crosses more than one red lines , you probably wouldn’t think of saying “No nothing is wrong with her; it’s just the dresses she wears that make her appear larger than she actually is!” but of knocking out his left jaw and putting it in his hands. (‘Left jaw’ has nothing to do with politics! Ha!)
Sometimes you might even be forced to tell someone very close to you, “It’s none of your business! For all I care Go screaming down to Hell,” and you’d think they will be your ‘famous last words.’ But before you even have the chance to reflect on the incident he comes knocking; “Look I know you’re angry with me, but…” Unless you cut him mid-sentence and see him off for good those goons have this magic of confusing you and forcing you to apply reverse gear; “Maybe he’s right. Maybe I have been raising hell for nothing!” Believe me there are situations which call for clear, loud, unapologetic, “It’s none of your business!” and you don’t have to feel the needles about it! After all a spade is a spade, is a spade!
Ephrem Endale
Contributer
The Ethiopian Herald 8 May 2022