About a year or so back this friend of mine was part of a group dispatched to ask for the hand of someone’s daughter for one of his young relatives who decided not to wait any longer to tie the knot. Like is the case during such ‘missions’ (they’re missions, aren’t they?) all of them were impeccably dressed suit, tie and all that Sunday as they’ve every plan to impress their hosts. And yes, they were clean-shaven too, if only not to give away their little secrets; the four of them, under the pretext of discussing what to say and not to say have been and about the previous night so late the wives must have faced ‘the opposite’ wall the whole night; just speculating! Once the pass through the gates of the compound and were approaching the front gates of the small villa someone comes rushing out of the house as if a whole colony of baboons were after him.
The group may have thought the girl’s family was so sager to meet them the man couldn’t just sit down wait for them to come into the living room. Had they though as such they were in for the surprise they least expect. It looked as if two FIFA World Cups have come and gone since he last smiled. The man says, “Return in two weeks’ time.” No greeting, no nothing just that. And the way he said it, so my friend tells us was anything but friendly. He didn’t even have the decency to say address them as they should have been treating them like a troublesome group of village urchins. The group, all of them family men wives, kids and all that were genuinely offended. They weren’t even offered some thirst-quenching water!
Though theirs was far from being a group of the blessed and cultured, they just leave. I mean despite being in their prime they sometimes could act like the Tyson fellow who recently punched a plane passenger siting behind him; even in his fifties those fists of him seem to crave for the next chin to land on. Anyway, after the group leaves, they later learned the guy who literally shooed them away was the girl’s uncle known within family circles for his primitively conservative and largely unsocial behavior. The girl apologizes to her Romeo that she should have warned them earlier.
The group returns two weeks later to face a replay of the original scenario. The same uncle tells them to return in another two weeks. This time one among the group explodes with something like; “What do you think we are, beggars? We’re here respecting the family and tradition. Do you think…?” He was so angry he had to be restrained by his comrades. I told theirs wasn’t anything close to a blessed group when push comes to shove! The uncle meanwhile was unmoved; he goes back into the house without as much of a gesture let alone words.
Now the story was that there was some disagreement among family members as to whom their kid should marry. The uncle and her dad had someone else in mind so they say; You know one of those guys who seems to have hit the ‘gold road’ quit early. (Sorry to say it but it’s disgusting that some parents these days seem to commercialize their children’s future!) Mom and the other relatives think it was for the girl to decide. Well, he close family and friends would have said, fortunately that was what happened; a few months later the young couple let it be known they were married in a private ceremony.
Of course, the unwritten rule was that when such a group goes to the girl’s parents’ house for the first time they are invited in; and after some refreshments and small talk they’re told to return into weeks’ time; no offense meant as this has nothing to do with indecision or even rejection. The family wasn’t give away their ‘little girl’ that easily. Anyone seeking her hand had to work for it!
Look, though some think of such a tradition as being fatally flawed for this age one can’t deny it has its own drama. The girl’s family poses all kinds of questions about the groom-in-waiting. You know, things like whether he was educated, where he works, if he has his own house, if he makes enough to support a family, if he drinks or smokes and things like that.
“Does he drink?”
“Drink! No, no! He never takes as much as a sip or two of alcohol.” Well, one can take that either as an unpardonable sin or an innocent disinformation. The guy drinks like a fish! His bride to-be has warned him over and again that she was not going to live with him if he doesn’t stop drinking. But of course as is the case with many such cases she mellows and vows, “You’ll see how I’m going to turn him around once we get married.” Many a pretty girl has fallen on the wayside thinking she could actually do that! Few, if any, succeed. Anyways once they are provided with the mini-bio of the guy the girl’s family give their consent! Isn’t that nice?
But things are changing fast, aren’t they? In recent years we’ve seen stories of young Casanovas proposing in the middle of busy streets, at pool sides, at events which have nothing to do with marriage. Especially, as if to give things a touch or two of Hollywood most brides couples happen to be in the show business. I’ve even seen a Facebook post where some young man proposed amidst the chaos of some nightclub. (Was it Brittney Spears who ‘married’ at the beginning of the night and divorced before by daybreak? that lady really means business!) Anyways, who is anyone to say proposing in busy streets wasn’t the right way of asking for the hand of pretty girls! But then the funny thing is after the theatrics which mostly are caught on camera and shared on the social media, and after million-Birr wedding ceremonies you know what happens… they split! Yes, they say goodbye a few months or a couple of years into the marriage.
“You remember that actress who married with such pomp and color?”
“Of course I do.”
“So how is their marriage doing?”
“What marriage? They divorced a few months later.”
Such things have become so common the “Oh no!!” “You don’t say!” conversation-stoppers have become things of the past. If you asked some young soul, “How did you ever think of proposing in the middle of the street?” he’d probably say,
“I wanted to be different.”
Really! Yes, really. That is what’s behind at times bizarre marriage proposals. Most of us want to be different, to steal the show, toe in the spotlight any way we can.
I could imagine frustrated drivers cursing and fuming, “You want to propose to her, go do it somewhere else you, you *&^%! (You wouldn’t want anyone to call you that!) Get off my street!’ In fact, though you wish all the street marriage proposal drama turned into long and love-filled relationships I don’t think it is fair to obstruct the flow of traffic and cause all sorts of problems to hundreds of drivers and the passengers. (The term ‘passengers’ unless it is interpreted otherwise, is meant to put the likes of me into the picture! Well, I told you; everyone wants to steal the show!)
Ephrem Endale
Contributer
The Ethiopian Herald 1 May 2022