The holidays are coming. In case you missed out next Sunday is Ethiopian Easter. Of course, with the cost of living being what it is no one expects a smooth ride. No way. We’re in times when as people flock to the markets so do the cheaters and outright crooks in the guise of businesspeople.
The likes of me are easily swindled by those guys who choose their sales words so smartly you think the guy you never saw was the son of auntie someone (may her soul rest in peace) you’ve known for multiple decades. It will take real nerves on your part to suspect, “This guy isn’t trying to sell me anything. Why, he is trying to rob me of every last cent as if he’ll defend me for the wrath of the lady of the house!” That, ladies and gentlemen would be the real problem; wasting money over nothing and then trying to soothe your better half. If you think convincing an angry partner is that easy I’m sorry to tell you there’d be some uncomforting news coming your way. It isn’t easy! Maybe someone should give you some workshop… “How to Deal with the Wrath of the other half.” wouldn’t that be nice.
There is this joke about guys who just couldn’t stop hopping from one bed to another. (Almost a decade or so back we’ve heard of such a person who could jump no more. He was trying to escape the man of the house who suddenly knocks on the door while he should have been hundreds of kilometers away in the regions. So this bed-hopping fellow attempts to jump from a fourth floor window of an apartment building! What happens is that since so in love of the bed-hopping sport he spent a full six months strapped to one nursing the injuries he incurred.)
I mean other than holiday expenses there were other things that force the ladies of the houses to fly off the handle. Look, the men’s shirt collar had been one of the main reasons for many a peace to turn into shouting matches. Come evening and there’d be the red, pink or even violet smudges on shirt collars.
“Where did you get that?”
“Wh…what?”
What is red doing on a white shirt collar? Or did they sell it to you as it is!”
“Oh that! Two…two ladies were fighting and we were trying to pull them apart.”
“To pull them apart? Isn’t that wonderful! They should give you some award for your bravery. Proud of you, I really am.”
“Yes; sorry I should have cleaned it before coming home.”
“You sure should have, shouldn’t you? But can you tell me how the lips of someone you tried to pull away from a fight come so close to your shirt collar. Is there something about you that has magnetic powers over the lips of the ladies” Ha!
I mean when luck messes with your fate and works against you the red smudge on the reddest of collars would stand out like it was a black-on-white thing. So what changed? What changed is that these days the smudges are, what else, colorless. It wouldn’t work; not if the lady of the house is worth her salt. Believe me when it comes to rooting out the cheating hubbies and would-be-hubbies the fair sex have a thousand and one tricks up their sleeves. Colorful or colorless if you insist on clinging to that habit of cheating on expect to get your marching orders in the middle of the night.
“Would you believe it? She threw me out of the use!”
“What do you mean she threw you out of the house?”
“She told me to leave in the middle of the night!”
“What did you do?”
“Nothing, you moron! I did nothing.”
“Cut it out; how can that innocent lady be so angry as to throw you to the wolves in the middle of the night unless you made her extremely angry?”
“It’s because some stupid red smudge on my shirt collar!”
Stupid red smudge! Really! See who’s stupid now.
We wish the holidays to be times of smiling faces despite the precarious conditions we’re in. After all, the body and the mind need space enough to be rekindled. While we’re at it there were times when you laughed over most things around here. No more. Many jokes we thought were harmless in those days could mean a hundred and one things these days. They might offend not individuals or a couple of guys but a whole lot of people. In this case they stop being jokes. Jokes thrown at the expense of offending and angering others are no more jokes. Of course, some might itch for debates. But it is not about convincing people it is about understanding them. I brought this up because a few of us a couple of supposedly well-educated people throwing jokes not only foul but primitively offensive to many. And the dudes laughed about it while those around looked at them with disgust!
The Ethiopian Herald April 17/2022