BY TEKLEBIRHAN GEBREMICHAEL
“No religion in the world can compare with Ethiopian Orthodox Christianity in terms of pomp, circumstance, ceremony and pageantry. The liturgy enlivened with the uplifting church music of the great St. Yared is awesomely solemn.
The mystery of the Trinity and the sacrament of the holy communion is as sacred as it is awe- inspiring,” said the young handsome monk, Aba Semeon in his elaborate sermon to his congregation.
The congregation at Trinity Church at Arat Killo was listening attentively, some bowing their heads in deep prayer and supplication. There was no official segregation of the sexes, but both males and females tended to congregate gender-wise.
Aba Semeon continued his sermon thus: “Nor is there any comparison with the wisdom of our Orthodox forefathers. They wisely ordained that those who have the moral fortitude to fend off the temptations of carnal desires may serve the Monophyite Orthodox Christian Church as celibate monks and those who may have doubts about such moral fortitude may join in holy wedlock and equally serve the Church as priests.”
The congregation never stopped appreciating the great wisdom in such a momentous ordination, remembering the difficulties encountered in the sister Catholic Church. Not everybody can overcome the temptations of carnal desires which in fact are part and parcel of the DNA of human nature.
Aba Semeon concluded his sermon by a call to prayer which was piously obeyed by the congregation. The faithful were all on their feet repeating the common prayers after Aba Semeon: “Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. Amen!”
“Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus. Holly Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death, Amen.”
The congregation dispersed in several directions, genuflecting as they went out of the main gate of the Holy Trinity Cathedral at Arat Kilo. A few stayed behind and surrounded Abe Semeon to receive blessings and benediction with his holy cross.
They bowed low to his knees to be tapped with his gold- plated cross and recieve the much –coveted blessings and sanctification. An apparently very beautiful lady wrapped up almost completely in the traditional toga collapsed on Semeon’s knees.
Aba Semeon tried to raise her with his free hand but her deadweight indicated that she had passed out. He concluded she was possessed by the devil and had to be treated with holy water at St. Michael’s Church in Yeka Wereda. He wrongly promised to administer the “cure by holy water” procedure and to conduct the required religious rite that was the job of a priest.
The beautiful lady was just that: extremely beautiful, and her face was serene and radiant with vivacity and vim. Soon enough, she regained consciousness and felt ashamed to be such an object of public display and scrutiny.
“I am so sorry. It must have been the grace and charisma of Aba Semeon which knocked me down,” she said.
“No, it was the devil who was trying to avoid losing you to Aba Semeon,” said one of the parishioners who was looking on.
Nevertheless, all those who were looking on started gazing at Aba Semeon. They realized that Aba Semeon, stunningly handsome as he was, did look like an angel in his sparkling frock with the signature gold- plated cross in his hand. Then, a rather naughty lady parishner, who was quite beautiful in her own right, slyly commented:
“It could be a swoon!”
Aba Semeon paid little attention to what the naughty, beautiful elderly lady said, appearing more concerned with the wellbeing of the beautiful young lady who had just passed out and come to.
“You may come to the holy water therapy center at St Michael’s Church the day after tomorrow,” he said and paused mometarily to fight back a surge in erotic desire. He had before successfully nipped in the bud any such upsurges in carnal desires, but this particular one seemed beyond his power to stifle and repress.
The young, beautiful lady was immensely exhilarated at the very idea of a nude baptism by the angelic monk. She agreed to the appointment without reservations and departed immediately, longing for the day when she would undress, according to custom, in front of a cleric authorized to administer holy water treatment.
Abe Semeon arrived at the St. Michael’s Church compound at the appointed time. So did the young beautiful lady attired in the traditional dress and toga. She almost swooned again at the sight of Aba Semeon but did muster the courage to fight back the aura that preceded the fainting phenomenon. As customary, she bowed to be blessed with Aba Semeon’s gold- plated cross. Disappointingly, Aba Semeon referred her to the officiating priest at the holy water treatment center at St. Michael’s Church.
The oldish priest was definitely impressed by the lady’s beauty and charm, but all that meant very little to him as he was well –anchored in the sanctity of his holy wedlock which took place nearly twenty years ago.
The Priest led the way to the hydrotherapy center and the beautiful lady followed.
“You needn’t take off your pants,” said the priest and opened the faucet of the holy water tap.
The beautiful, young lady shivered and shuddered violently even before the holy water fell on her, which the priest took as a sign of possession by the devil. The priest bushed the beautiful young lady lightly towards the falling holy water. The lady started shouting, roaring and finally purring like a cat.
“In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Satan, depart! depart! leave and evacuate the soul of this beautiful child of God immediately,” the priest intoned with the authority of divine imprimatur.
Satan began speaking through the beautiful lady. The devil said: “I entered her soul in her weakest moment. That is when she swooned over the angelic attractiveness of Aba Semeon.”
“No matter how! Depart! Depart! Depart posthaste!” the priest first tapped the beautiful lady’s forehead with his silver-plated cross, and when Satan failed to respond, he hit her forehead harder, causing it to bleed slightly.
The young, beautiful lady shouted and roared again and propitiously heaved a sigh of relief, indicating the impending departure of the evil spirit which possessed her. Satan was not done yet.
He threatened to migrate to the soul of Aba Simeone who did show a moral weakness in allowing a sudden upsurge of erotic desire upon seeing the young, beautiful lady whose soul he was now evacuating.
The priest was highly gratified at having exorcised the evil spirit which had viciously invaded the soul of the beautiful, young lady. He was not much worried about what Satan said concerning his planned migration to Aba Simone’s soul. Aba Simeone would surely handle such satanic ruses with his gold- plated holy cross.
Unfortunately, things were not so easy for Aba Simeone. He twisted and turned in his bed all night long fighting the evil spirit which departed the young, beautiful lady’s soul but did successfully migrate to his. Aba Simeone was so completely overwhelmed by the resurgences of a powerful erotic desire for the young, beautiful lady who, it turned out, actually swooned over him, that he had to succumb to the much despised ejaculation of night loss.
When he woke up in the morning, Aba Simeone was completely hollowed out, with hardly any holy spirit left in him. He hated himself and even momentarily contemplated suicide.
That would certainly be compounding his sins. So, he decided to do something better, something human that was free of sin. Now that he had lost his virginity emphatically, it was no longer useful to pretend to be a monk. So, he voluntarily defrocked himself and dressed up in his Sunday –best suit.
He went straight to his pulpit at Holy Trinity Cathedral where he hoped the young, beautiful lady, whose erstwhile evil spirit she now harbored, would be present in the congregation.
Aba Simeon’s firm determination to do what he thus planned to do agitated the evil spirit that had entered his soul. He knew deep inside him though that the Holy Spirit was following him at close quarters.
The congregation was surprised to see Aba Simeone in a beautiful suit and not in his customary resplendent frock. “And where is his gold- plated cross?” some in the congregation asked.
He began to speak, and it was not at all his customary sermon.“Ladies and Gentlemen, I am no more a monk. I am now a simple parishoner like you,” he said and was about to continue when the young beautiful lady sprang to her feet and rushed madly towards the pulpit.
Aba Simeone, now really Ato Simeone, recognized her and himself started running towards the lady who defrocked him in his sleep. Midway, they clasped and kissed each other so firmly, the congregation rose to their feet spontaneously and gave the couple a roaring applause, the women ululating in utter delight and joy.
The power of true love defenestrated the evil spirit from Aba Simeon’s soul. The young, beautiful lady, whose name was Eskedar, was joined in holy wedlock with Simeon in a religious ceremony. Simeone was officially defrocked but was happily ordained as a priest by the Patriarch of to Ethiopian Orthodox Church, a super monk who successfully fought back all the temptations of carnal desire to reach the summit of earthly holiness!
The Ethiopian Herald February 16/2021
