Children nowadays are increasingly occupying centre stages in many social events and media presentations. Children are allowed to be guests at social media events, and encouraged to speak their minds whether what they say may or may not be of any use to their peers or to society at large. Children are also encouraged to comment in public on issues that are not “childlike” and sometimes act as overgrown adults. Children are cherished and spoilt simply because they are but innocent children. It does not really matter whether some of them are, judging from the over-maturity of their ideas, have gone past the age of innocence.
In Ethiopian tradition everywhere, children are indeed precious members of the family and the community. They are often adored and sometimes spoilt; but overall they are regarded as the hopes of the future providing support to their parents in their old ages. Having children is not only a matter of reproduction but also an insurance against difficult times when parents get older and children step in to support their families.
This was the prevalent belief in traditional Ethiopian communities. In traditional Ethiopia, children had only one ultimate task to perform in their lives and that is to grow up fast if possible and help their parents in domestic and fields works. Nevertheless, children did not always enjoy happy childhoods for many reasons, mainly economic ones. They lived in dire circumstances as average household revenues were very low and opportunities were hard to come by.
The situation is rather different in urban settings where children enjoy the same parental love and care but are allowed to grow up in full freedom, enjoying overflowing love and attention and care from their families who invest their future in them as they are eager to see them succeed. Some fortunate families give their kids the best of everything: best food, best treatment, best schooling and best anything. These are families that are lucky enough to afford the best things in life.
Some of the families may not however be the best educators for many reasons. There is obviously a generation gap between parents and their children who grew up and came of age in different social and economic environments. There is also a wide gap in educational opportunities and parent-children relations.
There was once a rather funny joke that was making the rounds of our capital about a father who often went home late at night after making a phone call and asking his wife whether their son was asleep. The boy was already fluent in English and spoke it like Americans while he was still in grade school. The father who presumably belonged to the fast rising business class had his roots in one of the rural areas and was alleged to have made fortunes soon after moving to the capital in search of better opportunities. Most members of the local middle class are said to be sending their kids to expensive schools where the teachers are mostly foreigners.
So, the father in our story stayed at his pub sipping whiskey until his son went to bed and drove back home in the wee hours of the night. However, before going home he asked his dear wife, “Is that terrible kid still awake playing video games?” He returned home if his wife’s answer is a no. And when he drove home, he must have been praying to God so that his son sunk in the deepest slumber the time he reach home.
The reason? The kid was fond of asking his father many questions in English and the father felt lost and chose to dismiss the boy with a frown and a loud, “Go to bed right now or else I’ll spank you!” kind of reprimand. As a result of this father and son were said to meet face to face quit rarely. Whenever they met by chance, away from the prying eyes or ears of strangers, the father was said to be praying for his terrible kid to speak in his native tongue.
Be it as it may, the fortunate son of the said businessman had no choice but go to bed after uttering a few strange phrases in English and after making American-style gestures you may watch on Netflix or some other platforms designed for the new-age children like the boy in this story.
The man in our story obviously sent his son to one of the expensive schools in Addis Ababa where foreigners were teaching and speaking Amharic or any other vernacular was discouraged or forbidden. The school authorities in those exclusively elite schools were often quoted as saying that speaking one of the local languages in such a prestigious school could undermine its credibility and international status and who knows it might also pollute their precious language with words from the vernacular.
The paradox however is that the so-called smart schoolchildren from elite schools are no usually the ones who perform smartly at national examinations or succeed in their professional lives. Going to elite schools is not a sure guarantee that the students will become top spot intellectuals, engineers, astronauts, scientists or statesmen and women.
There is no clear cut rule that equates going to elites schools with success later in life. We often hear or read stories of children from disadvantaged families who made it to the top of the academic and professional ladder both here at home and in the Diaspora. This does not mean however that elite schools are useless or they do not produce top talents provided the children are genuinely talented or smart. Going back to the boy in the above joke, he might presumably end up developing into a brat who might be showing his smartness by equating his fluency in a foreign language. This is only an assumption.
What I have called “New Age” children who are fluent in English or any other foreign language might be missing a vital aspect of their mental development, namely failing to connect with their parents in a loving and respectful manner. The father in the joke is scared of his “terrible kid” and decides not to face him after work. Instead he visits the pub until the times his boy goes to bed. There is a kind of double jeopardy here.
On the one hand, the father is not in touch with the mental development of the child and second he makes unnecessary visits to the pub simply because he does not want to face his child who speaks English in a way that might be intimidating to his father. How is the father going to read to his son stories from children’s books? He has simply no time to do so.
The “New Age” children might be seen as caricatures of the children they see in American movies like Tom and Jerry or some other stuffs based on lives in American families. Without parental guidance, what children see and feel can sometimes go out of control. A constant and close interaction between parents and children is a must in these days of fast changing events and chaotic environment, overpopulation and rising anxiety and stress that can wreak havoc on the health of many families. Children are particularly vulnerable to rapid changes and they need time and guidance from parents to adjust and even understand the significance of many events that can affect them positively or negatively. It is good to raise intelligent children as far as their level of intelligence is cool for their ages. Too much of anything could be bad for them and may lead to adolescence crisis that may turn out to be challenging time for the children and their parents.
Fathers and sons should not necessarily converse in a foreign language and fathers in particular may not need to stay away in the evening instead of going back home earlier so that they may have time to discuss things with the children and make adjustment if there is any problem. They can talk their common language while interacting because there no shame in fathers using a local language w3hile addressing their children. There is also no shame in not speaking a foreign language unless it is for business or entertainment.
On the other hand child psychology is something that changes in time. Many school age children who look smart while very young may turn out to be not so as their age increases. It is also good to send your parents to so-called elite school if you can because quality of education is a very sensitive issue in this country.
However, language should not be the sole yardstick to measure the children’s smartness or otherwise. If a child is competent in foreign languages, it does not necessary mean that they are so in mathematics or other skills. Parental guidance and communication may be vital to navigate the potentially risky waters of childhood and adolescence which is a time for character formation, and overall physical and mental development of children.
Jokes and humors aside, parents of the so-called smart children should learn English if necessary to enter into conversation with their kids instead of running away from them. Anyway, some children may be smart beyond their age but they cannot be smarter than their parents. What will happen in case the kid wakes up the moment his dad knocks at the door in the wee hours of the night and asks him where he had been all this time? This may be a topic for another joke.
BY MULUGETA GUDETA
THE ETHIOPIAN HERALD SUNDAY EDITION 10 DECEMBER 2023
