“Hey, what is the problem?”
“What problem?”
“You don’t seem to be well.” that is an understatement. The guy looks like his better half has been working the whole night on him with the brooms, the ladles, the dishes the old rigs and what have you. (When your better half works on you with those ‘weapons’ that’s how you’ll end up looking… just like this guy!
“I am feeling pain in my stomach. It has been troubling me the whole afternoon.”
“What happened, you were all right when I saw you a couple of days back.”
“I ate lunch at a restaurant. I didn’t even finish eating when the cramps started.”
“And you kept on eating?”
“Yes. I did. I’m not paying a hundred forty birr for nothing!”
“Can’t you see? The food could have been poisoned! And you just keep on eating while in pain!”
“I know it has nothing to do with the food. “
“Can you please explain that to me?
What the hell you’re talking about? You said the pain started while you were still eating, and you’re telling me it has nothing to do with the food! How can you know that?”
“It’s not the food. It’s evil eye.”
“Sorry!”
“I’m telling you it’s evil eye.”
“You’re not only sick in the stomach; you’re sick in the head too.
“You don’t understand, do you?”
“No I don’t. What evil eye are you talking about? I don’t think you, too, have begun surfing these conspiracy theory websites.”
“A woman was sitting opposite me and all the time she was staring at me. You know, she had so much strange-looking jewelry on her and she had overdone her make up! I’m telling you she was scary!”
“You, of all people are sick because you were afraid of a women staring at you? Why, no woman has given me a second for almost two decades.”
“Aren’t you listening? This is a woman with evil eye.”
“Wait! Wait a minute! You mean you believe in evil eye thing?”
“Yes, I do. I believe in evil eye thousand times.”
“I’ll tell you where the evil is, it’s in your head.”
“What’ve we here? Are you some Osho, Hariri or something?”
I’ve a little confession to make. When I buy bread I make sure it is in black plastic back. Of course as if they are trying to laugh at your expense they gave them to you in transparent plastic bags. So, what I do is, whenever I go to the bakery I’ve with me an extra black, non-transparent plastic bag. That must be my ‘Patriot Missile’ thing to fend off any incoming stare from evil eyes. Look, if you ask me “You mean you believe in this evil eyes thing?” you wouldn’t get any response. If you ask me “What if they did?” I’ll probably change the subject.
There was this elderly lady I knew; may her soul rest in peace. She always used to tell me not to dress in loud colors. Not that I’m the type, but she still warned me not to dress in clothes that stand out. Why? Because of the evil eye! In fact she had some names which she suspected of being in the thick of. “If so and so greets you don’t
look at her eyes.” “Don’t accept anything from so and so.” I think all these things have something to do with ‘hidden bread story.’
I’ll tell you an interesting thing about the ‘evil eye’ thing. It serves as the perfect excuse for failures, self-inflicted or otherwise. Luck just doesn’t smile on you. And you have considered yourself a nice guy all through. Some place they must have some prize they give just for being nice. “Those of you who believe you’re the nicest people can apply for the grand prize of five million in any currency you prefer. Aha! Now that’s real opportunity; and for the first time in history the entire world is turned on its head with simultaneous riots all over. Everyone thinks they are the nicest human beings. I mean, yes we might think we’re nice; we might even be nice!
And then all of a sudden all your charm is lost. You’re no more that guy everyone wants to brush shoulder with. You have fallen on hard times and those close to you know why; you have been hitting the bottle to much in the recent times. Your fiancé-to-be threw you under the bus. But your relatives will have none of that. You have fallen under the curse of some woman’s ‘evil eye!’ also, they’ve a few suspects. It’s all in ‘The Eye!’ Hmm!
The Ethiopian Herald July 11/2021