Sad and confused; poor guy! It is written all over his face “Life wasn’t supposed to be like this! In the old days, anyone wearing that kind of face had probably ingested inkoko… the tapeworm terminator. Inkoko was to the tapeworm what that meteorite was to the dinosaurs; Take-no-prisoners! Of course, ingesting the inkoko is tantamount to turning your midsection into a hooligan-infested soccer field. (We demand the inkoko on the shelves of the pharmacies! That’s a better cause than many bizarre ‘demands’ we hear these days.)
The reasons for our guy’s Armageddon –approaching mood might appear trivial, but these days the nukes are imbedded in the trivial. So, don’t underestimate the mouse and give all the medals to the cat. There was this colleague of him with whom he shared an office.
A couple of weeks back he reports for work and with the jovial mood that was his mark he stretches his hand for the handshake he and his office mate have done a thousand times; the guy stretches his handsome millimeters and suddenly pulls it back. It was as if he saw King Kong’s jaws on our guy’s hand! Words, he says, haven’t yet been created for the sensations that numbed him. That was his idea of a joke put in check the riotous heart which was beating like hell! The only thing is, he wasn’t laughing about it.
A few days later something that brought down his world happened. This office mate who by then has stopped talking to our guy altogether approaches his desk and says, “You’re from…” It was that knockout uppercut coming out of the blue! Neither a question nor a statement; it sounded more like an indictment. He later learned that because of his birthplace the newly politically baptized fellow has developed suspicions; that queer, “Everybody not from my area is out to get me!” type of suspicion. And they have been the best of office chums for over a decade!
The things you hear these days are so strange you might even say, “Maybe the problem is with me. I should have chosen my team and wore their jersey!” That way you don’t have to be rational or anything as long as you cheer your team. Suspicion over almost anything has become the norm. Whatever has gotten into us, anyways! Stone age, irrational politics, that’s what has gotten into us.
One particular day you’re feeling great. Not that you’ve any particular reason; it’s just one of those moments where you philosophize, “Life is too short; go out and have some fun!” That’s what you’re going to do once the sun starts going down. Luckily, you come across someone you know. Time to play Good Samaritan.
“Look, how about you and I getting together for a beer or two later this afternoon. I’ll give you a call; I’m paying.”
“O…O…Ok!”
No, it is not ok; the rough edges in the fellow’s voice are screaming, “What! What did he just say?” It is also written all over his face which looks like it was rescued from a tsunami or something. He is shocked! Had he been in control of his senses he could have said, “What! You, buying me a beer!” You don’t need to be a psycho-somebody to realize you’ve a man of a hundred questions in front of you. The catch here is that you don’t have a reputation to match your offer of buying beer. Hey, you never even pick the tabs for the coffee and tea!
The fellow’s brain jumpstarts and the speculations begin. “Some relative in the US must have sent him money.” The lottery! No way; you’re a guy who, if you won a thousand birr prize you would demand a national holiday in your name. So the lottery is out; “Maybe he’s involved in criminal activities!” Aha! That too makes sense, doesn’t it! Finally, the riddle is solved; “He’s out to get me. He must have something up his sleeve.” Call them conspiracy theories, call them anything one thing is sure; you have got yourself one less friend, and added one more enemy!
A very sad state of affairs; we’re in times when years of camaraderie comes crashing down over the weakest of an eye blink. Suspicions develop for a thousand and one reason; a thousand of them being case studies in stupidity! You wouldn’t suddenly be offering to buy your friend of many years beer if you weren’t harboring some shrewd thoughts! That’s our quantum-whatever. That’s how our brains are being programmed to work. From the worthless shove in the crowded streets to the self-centered political rant of ‘intellectuals’ everyone must be cooking something evil for everyone else!
Take my word and don’t call your guy that afternoon. He wouldn’t have anything to do with you. Look, if you’re really serious about paying for the beer, save it and buy your girl a pair of high heels. It’s the Christmas season! Theirs down; ours coming.
The Ethiopian Herald Friday 27 December 2019
Ephrem Endale
Contributer
