Life is full of intricacies; it is not as easy as it seems or sounds; it is difficult to follow or understand it, in fact, it is extremely puzzling. In the process of interaction between persons, the going is not always smooth. There are ups and downs, at times making the possibility of being in one accord utterly unattainable.
No two persons are the same. Nature has made it such that even identical twins, although they are very much similar in appearance, because of several factors, they still remain different; let alone other attributes, character wise they are different. In the process of sociability, there are times when common understanding of a certain issue disappears, creating a gulf between individuals. This very fact makes them view things differently. Each one perceives whatever he or she encounters from one’s own perspective which may be entirely different from the other.
To come to understanding each other, there has to be a buffer point, at least to ease the noose of the complications. It takes self-control and patience to bring oneself closer to the point where one can come to common agreement with the other over the issue at hand. There has to be an understanding between the two without one tilting the scale of the idea to one’s side. Speaking the truth clearly based on solidly premise. Statement on which reasoning prevails is what is expected of both parties.
Anything short of this definitely leads to misunderstanding and eventually creates discord between them to the point where they consider each other enemies. Here, hoarding ill feelings and hatred and scheming to attack or do harm to each other. To come to this state, it might take months or years of secret planning to carry out the viscous act. Granted poor communication, failure to resolve conflicts and fighting, contributes to a loss love. In other words, if one wanted to save business, one should go beyond improving communication. In this case one must learn how to restore the relationship through forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a situation in which one no longer has the desire to punish the wrongdoer or the perpetrator for the mistakes or crime he has committed to harm the other. It is also not demanding repayment of a debt. It is overlooking or forgiving offenses; it is as seriously as condoning a wife’s infidelity. In this situation, freeing the guilty person from punishment invariably stands out.
All what the guilty individual needs is a circumstance that lessons or weakens his inner pain caused by his offense to his fellow men. Winning the support and good will or friendly feeling and calming the anger of the offended individual. The other party should wholeheartedly forgive and forget; he or she should bury the hatchet without leaving the handle out. That is all it takes. One pleasing word with kindness to show conciliation can calm the tide of anger and irons out the disagreement that has drifted the parties apart.
This is done by encouraging each other to try to do whatever it takes to make each other happy and avoid doing what makes each other unhappy; the feeling of love and understanding should be restored with very next friend or colleague. What can one do that will make both happy? The big Book exhorts to love our enemies, forgive those who hate us and pray for those who persecute us. Communication and problem-solving systems are of paramount importance for a happy and successful business. Smooth communication obviously paves the way for genuine forgiveness.
Man is a social being that lives among other fellow men. Solitary life is unbearable and unacceptable with him. His living in company with others, but not separately, to tackle the challenges of life, calls for cooperation. The combined efforts to fulfill the demands of existence are expected of those who live and work together. What one seeks to achieve is possible only when the other person is willing to cooperatively contribute towards the objective set by the other. Equally venturing in making the desire of the other person as his own business, more than truly creating smooth relationship between them, it definitely earns the one who goes extra mile to help. What a true gratitude!
Gratitude in principle is expressing a feeling of thankfulness for what a person has done for the beneficiary. And that very act depicts vividly a pleasant, comforting and agreeable emotional reaction. With well-generated smile on the face, saying, “I am grateful to you for your help,” is far more worth than a million dollars to the recipient. Meet your friend’s needs as you would want your friend to meet yours. Such situation is a creation of mutuality.?
Shared and exchanged of feelings, opinions and respect between friends remedies the circumstances that could have created dysfunction in the synergic ventures. How wonderful it is to reciprocate kindness with a better one. In considering only a one-sided feeling, the required good working relation and working condition becomes very difficult to attain. Balancing the recognition of what a friend does to please another friend is much required.
This is the right time for the gratitude tosneaks into make things right. And communication rises up to its true level and essence. One should equally be concerned about the other person’s feelings. This is the dynamo to ignite the motor of gratefulness. The free and true appreciation of today paves the way for tomorrow’s good abundant deeds. The good seed we saw in the present will yield a hundred folds in the future.
On equal impetus, failing to recognize the good deeds will result in the creation of offensive attributes to the relationship between the giver and the recipient. Planning to help express true feelings of admiration, not hypocritically, though, heals the wounds created by misunderstanding. Apparently, in any interaction between persons on various platforms, the kind of diction and the tone in which it is employed to convey the intended ideas to maintain and understanding the kernel of the issues matters a great deal. Sobriety, the emotional state at the moment of conversation, should be accorded the due consideration.
Determining the direction of the vehicle of thoughts is of paramount importance. Being temperate and seriousness in every word one utters saves the trouble of falling into trouble with a friend. In everything we do, it is important to be in sober earnest. Making a sober estimate of what is possible, serves a lot in maintaining the good relationship and this will always paves the way for friends to be in good terms with each other. If things work out as desired, a friend can go extra mile to express gratitude even if the benefactor forgets what has happened in the past.
For good or bad, it is always better not to forget the good deeds enjoyed and or the bad deeds suffered. The good one initiates the beneficiary to do as much and publicly recognizes the benefactor; the bad deed teaches the victim not to commit such heinous act for he has experienced how harmful it is. Giving a friendly help in times of trouble is what is expected of any one of us if we are indeed true friends.
Financial assistance when someone has no one to turn to except a true friend, and when the world seems to fall on him, is equivalent to snatching him out of the mouth of the situation bent on devouring him; it is the literal saving of life from the disaster that is sure to happen. The acts of such selfless love should deserve a heightened recognition by the beneficiary. Virtue, goodness or excellence in matters of human relationship is all required to keep people in fruitful harmony. In such circumstance, gratitude further encourages the benefactor to enhance his good deeds no matter what. Let us all exercise forgiveness, congratulatory remarks and gratefulness in our everyday interaction with people.
The Ethiopian Herald Sunday Edition 1 December 2019
BY JOSEPH SOBOKA
