I’d like to tell you the story of this young lady whose years of most gracious acts finally left her out in no man’s land and not knowing what to do or where to turn too she was one lonely lady… She worked for years in one of those Middle Eastern countries and sent enough money back home to help her family and also for her boyfriend assigning him to build the house she and him would live in after her return which would be a few years down the road. She sent quite substantial money to help her parents through the toughest of times and she also helped her sister who was unemployed. Finally she informed them she had decided to come back home. The enthusiasm and disbelief she expected over the phone never came: In fact she was told it wasn’t a good idea and even warned her she’d regret it. That didn’t go down well with her. Still she effuses to back down. One early morning she touches down in Addis and spends the next couple of days at a hotel and it was only once she unwinds she calls home. Hers was a very unenthusiastic welcome.
Now despite having some idea why they did not want her to come back she still did not expect her welcome would be this cold! Of course with her back home the stash of money coming from somewhere in the Middle East would dry out. So what; their daughter is home! Well things don’t always work that way these days. I mean the selfishness even among blood relatives and siblings is beyond explanation. Her family in many ways wasn’t her family if you know what I mean! The changes were so unexpected in all their manifestations it took her quite a while to come to terms with the reality.
With her boyfriend it was a whole lot of a different story. Now this was a guy with whom she has spent quite a number of years before she left the country and their bond was that unbreakable sort of bond. The construction of the house which was supposed to be more that 80% finished didn’t even reach the halfway mark. That really hurt her to the very last cell and nerve of her anatomy. For all those years the guy didn’t work and was having the best days of his life with money meant for the construction of the house! His was the biggest blow way down below the waist.
She waited a couple of months and gave him the final marching orders. No amount of pleading and cajoling could make her go back on her decision. Hopeless and helpless the young man tried to play the Rambo sort of guy and strict warning that she would refer him to the police made him disappear. The last I heard of her she was doing very well in life, but sadly her relationships with her family had all but ceased. But her mental strength unbreakable, she faced reality square in the face and never let herself to be overtaken by senseless emotions.
“What is wrong with that guy? He has changed so much it is like we two never met.”
“What happened?”
“Do you believe what he did to me? A few days I run into him and I was about to hug him like we always did whenever we meet and you know what he did? He steps back as if I was one of the Jaws of dinosaurs! And I’m not exaggerating. He, slightly pats my arm, smiles and just went on his way!”
“Maybe he didn’t have enough time to talk to you.”
People change, just because you hug many.
“I wasn’t looking for any talk. I just wanted to greet him. You know that me and him go way back, don’t you?’”
Even groups and even crowds however many members could be in them change. You used to be part of the show whenever such gatherings happen but all of a sudden things change. At first you might not notice it right away. But the facts hit you square in the face. “Something is very wrong. It’s the people, the crowd. You know them, but you don’t. All of a sudden they are acting in weird ways, they are talking about weird things, and even their greetings are weird! I mean those guys used to hug you so tight and so passionately you almost suffered shortage of vital oxygen. They never seemed to have enough of treating you like you are the last King on earth. Then all of a sudden everything freezes in the middle of nowhere. The hugs are gone and you’d be lucky to be treated with handshake. Something must have happened to transform them (A nicer chi ice of saying “they turned their backs on you;”) in such extreme ways. But whichever way one thing you’re sure of is that things wouldn’t be the same.
But such the reasons behind such changes aren’t always casual or just the reflection of unstable behaviors on the part of the people involved. Many times than not changes in behaviors are nothing but deciding where the bigger cake is. Aha! Isn’t that what this world is all about? Isn’t the rush for the bigger cake forcing us to fly for each other’s throats in spite of our closeness? Isn’t the deliberate, calculated rush for the cake destroying kinships and supposedly unbendable friendships?
Haven’t you noticed people whose greetings to you depends on who the person with them is at that time is? If they are with someone higher up on the social ladder then forget the enthusiastic hug, the crush of shoulders. It wouldn’t happen. Maybe they think it would be blasphemous to the honor, prestige and even ego of whoever it is they are accompanying! I tell you these are the most unstable, unreliable lot who would go to any length to have their way. They can even be dangerous! I mean greed and selfishness could be the most lethal of weapons!
Yes, as time changes so do people in the most unexpected, and unattractive ways. Better live with it than overproducing acid which turns our midsection into a total hell!
BY EPHREM ENDALE
THE ETHIOPIAN HERALD SUNDAY EDITION 27 APRIL 2025
