A guy we know goes to this place as part of a peacemaking group to try to stich up a friendship that was supposed to remain strong and intact for eternity. The two guys weren’t only best friends. They have moved beyond that and were like flesh and bone brothers. However for reasons both didn’t want to tell things started going wrong after decades of the strongest, the purest of friendships. Things didn’t come as one big “Bang!” The breakup was a slow process as things went from bad to worse away from the eyes of even the closet family members of both. The story here is that both never showed their fast declining feelings for each other in public. Maybe things would have continued getting worse indefinitely had it not been for someone who sees them arguing like hell at a corner table in a very deserted bar> All he needed to suspect that all was not well was witnessing their physical actions with hands flying all over the place. However he had no idea what it was all about because, to their credit, they kept their voices low even in times of sizzling emotions. So this guy spills what he saw. Then, as they say, one thing leads to the other and to the shock of many the real story of a friendship on the rocks becomes public knowledge.
So members of the group mentioned above manage to get the approval of both to talk face to face in their presence. Mind you, no one in the group still had any idea of the real reason tearing apart the friendship. Maybe the group would have managed to stich a tear or two had it not been for a happening for which they weren’t ready; both came with their wives! This guy we know tells us, completely turned around the narratives. The talking was done by the wives both of them acting like angry tigresses. Still there was so much name-calling and the ‘we-the-victims-narrative it was impossible to understand what led to all this bad blood. One member of the group manages to call the names of the friends and asking them, “We want to hear what you two have to say.” That did it! Both wives go into the nuke mode and turn their guns towards members of the group. The guy telling us the story said as middle-aged as he was he doesn’t remember any time in his life being called all the names the two ladies threw at him and members of the group. And even as the ladies downloaded the shocking volume of insults on the peacemakers the two guys remain mute.
“We went to resolve the conflict between our friends and ended up diving into conflicts ourselves!” That’s what the visibly offended fellow told us. The story gets even more bizarre by the minute. One of the peacemakers was so enraged by the insults of one of the ladies he says, “We came here to try to resolve the problem between our two friends not to be insulted. We aren’t kids and you shouldn’t call us such names. On my part I’m very offended by what you’re saying.” Now you would think that would have mellowed the two wives. Alas, that never happened! In fact both start accusing the group members of being jealous of their hubbies! What the hell was going on! Only the wives, and maybe their hubbies knew. But group members had had enough and just got up and practically rushed without much goodbyes.
What happens later? Well the two friends refused to answer the phones of group members and one said he didn’t want to talk them ever again. What was wrong that the peacemakers did? Why is it that they were subjected to so much abuse by the wives while the main parties in the conflict chose to remain silent.
Why is it that these days it’s so easy to find yourself in some conflict for which you weren’t ready and couldn’t even tell why it happened! I mean, think about it, could anything be more frustrating than being entangled in some conflict even though you did nothing wrong. Now the foursome was trying to do what real friends should have done and look where they ended up. I mean it robs you of the confidence that you might be able to mend a troubled friendship or marriage using the power of conviction. Well, the world seems to have stopped working that way.
These days you don’t have to go out looking for conflicts. It finds you on the most unlikely of places in the most unlikely of circumstances. Look at the doormen, or, to be politically correct, the security personnel at the gates of enterprises. These people, believe me, is a very interesting species. Their behaviors and treatment of customers could be so divers and so far apart sliding to the extremes of human behaviors you sometimes wonder how they actually train them. Just to enquire as innocently as possible, we are forced to ask “Are the extremes in customer handling part of their training manuals!”
Anyways you go to their big enterprise and offer yourself for frisking.
“Where are you going?” You tell the no-nonsense doorman to which office you are going.
“He is not in.” the finality in their voices when they talk could turn your blood ice cold.
“Then I have to give these documents to his secretary. They’re important.”
“I said he’s not in!” You could the sense “Get lost, or else!” loud and clear.
“But these are very important documents. If I don’t hand them in today…”
“Go away! Do you think we don’t know the likes of you crooks?”
What! Did he just call you a crook? Yes, he did. Don’t try any ‘Rambo’ or ‘The Punisher’ Hollywood-tuned confrontation. Just keep your cool and inform what happened to your superiors. Of course many of these heavyweights would do nothing much than telling you to take it easy and that the doormen were overworked. There, dear readers, conflict you didn’t call catches you by the collar. So the smart thing to do is keep one’s cool and refrain from impulses which might lead you to the ugliest of scenarios. You don’t deserve it. Most of the time it’s better to sleep over it as the cool and comfortably at ease mind could do wonders. Let your mind do the wonders while you tame your emotions. Otherwise, I don’t think conflict would let go of your collar anytime soon.
Ephrem Endale:Contributer
THE ETHIOPIAN HERALD SUNDAY EDITION 2 JUNE 2024