Is there anything more frustrating than being misunderstood? Especially in these difficult times for all humanity being misunderstood is that last thing you want to happen to you. It is not nice that all your good intentions, all your words and actions are more than a few times decoded wrongly. In fact, as things are out on the open for all to see there is no need for decoding the simplest of words, actions and intentions. I mean when you’re faced with more than your share of being misunderstood you start sliding back to the furthest corner of solitary existence.
Now, talking of misunderstandings it is not because the issue in question is so complicated that others fail to see the real picture. It’s not about us being the worthless who are yet a few decades behind the times. No. Some of us are just so ensnared in all the coils of suspicion that nothing it as it sounds to be.
“Hey, how are you doing?”
“Fine.”
“You look exhausted as if you’ve been walking nonstop from Bole to Gullele. Is everything all right?”
“Everything is alright. I had been very busy the past few days and feel tired.”
Now that’s the logical answer you’d expect wouldn’t you say? But that doesn’t always happen. Had the world been that nice much of the global mess are witnessing see now wouldn’t have happened. Well that might sound a little hasty conclusion to make. But the fact of the matter is that behind much of the crisis mankind is embroiled there is that curse of misunderstanding. Misunderstanding
caused not because the issue at hand is complicated and difficult to understand on but because saying “We understanding;” doesn’t go well with our specific interests as individuals, groups or even nations. Yes, you’re right; it’s all about politics.
Look around you and there are numerous accounts of us deliberately acting as we don’t understand one thing or another despite the issue at hand is the simplest of issues even a toddler barely able to walk would have some idea of what it’s all about.
It is not that we’re to this would be either confirming that something is wrong with you or saying that everything in your life was nice and dandy.
I mean you’re conversing in the same language and yet the simplest issue you raise fail to make any impression on the other side. “Life is so tough yet some of us are throwing away hard-earned money on drinks.” Now I can tell you that few statements could be as true as this one. Day in and day out we witness quite a number of people acting such irresponsibly that really bugs us is the question where those people get all that ‘free money’ to throw around. In fact we’ve even heard of households which have been turned into war zones. So when you say one thing and people hear a completely different narrative that is tough to take. You saying something and others are hearing a completely another thing isn’t anyone’s idea of heart-to-heart conversation.
“You know how gorgeous you look today! Your face like the sun, the moon and all the stars are shining on you.” Now that is some comment any straight thinking lady would like to be blessed with. You can just imagine how illuminated that lady looks. But if you think that would always would win you another good friend well I advise you to have ready some cold milk to nurse the ulcers or some gastro-something. Because that might be what you’ll be getting rather than a passionate hug or even worm peck or two on the cheeks. What happens? I’ll tell you what happens. The lady’s decoding machine has decoded the statement as “You face always looks so drab as if it was dealt with flour someone discovered after years as they were trying to do away with all the old stuff. (Where the hell am I getting all that!) Ha!
With some people, you should be very careful about the things you say or the gestures you display. Since there are quite many of us who are obsessed with digging out the negative (Even when there’s no ‘negative’ so to say;) with everything innocent words and kindhearted gestures could see friendships slipping down the drain faster than the fastest missiles all ‘the big guys’ seem to be boasting about. If you bite us, that’s what you have done, bitten us!
There used to be this lady who presently lives across the oceans and who had real hard time to make her husband understand her words and actions while she was still here. There was no debate as to her being a genuine person not many of whom you see these days. Even having been married for the most part of a decade her hubby still twisted everything she said and does so badly that in later years she refrained from making any comments. Was he jealous? Well that would have been some explanation for such irrational behaviors; but, she herself would tell you he was the last man standing when it comes to jealousy. Does he have any mental issue which make him such a godforsaken pessimist in everything? He doesn’t have any mental issue she is aware of. But, that was him; turning his back on what is there and go searching for what isn’t.
His behavior practically shredded the fabrics holding the marriage and finally she decided to walk out and did so. Here too she’d herself tell you theirs was the fastest divorce his answer to her “I want a divorce;” question was a loud “I agree.” Of course after the divorce at times she had these nagging thoughts that maybe he never liked her and maybe they were the wrong couple to tie the knot.
Maybe since we have decided we’re in one the messiest and most unbecoming of ages we tend to say “Nay!” that “Yes!” These days for some reason or in fact for uncountable reasons many of which we haven’t yet discovered it’s easy to be misunderstood. All that has been transpiring over the years in every corner of the globe seem to have eroded our mental machinery to the level that we take nothing at face value. Not that taking everything at face value is advisable; but in the event of misunderstanding every greeting and every innocent comment or action and when there is no reason at all to think otherwise, interpreting “How do you do?” as “Go to hell!” is the most reliable litmus test of much of mankind having boarded the wrong trains; the wrong trains to nowhere!
Ephrem Endale Contributer
The Ethiopian Herald October 29/2023