Ephrem Endale: Contributer
“My purpose in life is not to be kind…” says an American media personality who likes her fights with gloves off. She is some character! She says that she “…will not stand by being docile and meek,” while her rights are being trampled. She was talking about the transgender and ‘preferred pronouns’ debate that seem to be overwhelming her nation. In fact saying that there is much of the debate as going against the narrative taken lightly and could even lead top physical attacks as one lady has discovered. Hers is a real issue isn’t it? I mean which is referred being kind or being right? No they are not the same thing. Mostly when you try to be kind authenticity of the issue at hand doesn’t receive the consideration it deserves. You might be kind perhaps not to offend a dear friend even though he’s in the wrong.
Take this; you know your friend is fooling around with the wrong female partners. And he seems so lost in his world you can’t reason with as to what he does is not only morally wrong but could even land him in the wrong place. Believe me, there is no rage scarier than the rage of a betrayed person. He thought he finally has found a life partner he could rely on and what happens? He hears some guy who seems to have trouble keeping his pants zipped up is fooling around with her! Before he asks himself “What is it about me that forced her to drift away?” or anything like that immediate reaction is “How does she do this to me?” and the most important and volatile of riddles “Who’s this guy that has such a low esteem for me that he fools around with my own beauty!”
One day the guy we mentioned earlier tells you he has a new partner that your oxygen input would be unsteady at her beauty. (Isn’t that every other fresh Casanova says!). Well that’s fine, so you think, since at least he might stop running around with those two married ‘loyal’ women. In fact you feared that one nasty day his body one day would be brought home in the wrong box. Now that he’s ‘steady’ at least you’d have nothing to worry about.
“I’m glad to hear that. I hope to meet her someday.” that’s ‘kind’ of you, isn’t it? I mean, saying those nice words without knowing anything about the new partner is being kind. (Of course with the Musk gentleman really busy and AI girlfriends having entered ‘the market’ there would be nothing wrong in asking, “By the way who’s she? Do I know her?” No you wouldn’t ask such questions since that wouldn’t be ‘kind’ of you. If he likes her, he likes her. End of story. The investigative-journalist mindset wouldn’t work here. The reaction would be something like “Who the hell do you think you are to evaluate my girlfriend!”
When you finally find out who she is the world would literally roll over! You know she is engaged to someone else! Would you stay ‘kind’ to your friend with knowing this fact or would you choose being ‘right’ than ‘kind,’ and telling him, “this time you’ve gone too far!’ Of course the ball is in your court and your fate in your hands. Be ‘kind’ and keep the friendship intact or be ‘right’ and lose a friendship of over a few decades. Now don’t ask me where I got these idea from; but most of us probably would choose to be ‘kind’ than to be ‘right’ in such circumstances. Mind you, we aren’t ‘kind’ because we are soft-hearted beings, a species nearing extinction, but because we don’t want to disturb the waters.
Much damage is done when we chose kindness even when we’re well aware we are on the wrong side of things. Even when we know being kind in the particular circumstances would be a massive blow to moral values loosely keeping society together being ‘right’ is the last thing that comes to mind. When the media woman I was telling to about decided to make her position about ‘preferred pronouns,” and she would continue to address people as she used to mentioning their gender and not the ‘preferred pronouns.’ Over there it seems that you’re a male or a female according to your choice and not because of all those biological things your third-grade science teacher told you. You can say “I’m a woman and I want to be addressed as a woman while all your bushy beard practically cuts across your chest and your mustache fully hides your mouth. Interesting, wouldn’t you say? I have to admit that when one day I heard a church somewhere in Europe proposed a gender-free title for The Almighty I knew things are never to be the same again. And that is scary in more ways than one!
Sometimes when almost everyone but you acts in the same unacceptable manner you wonder “Maybe I’m the one who needs some help!” If everybody is acting weird and you think you’re the only straight-thinking guy something somehow upstairs must be wrong! With all the talk of technology of inserting chips in the people’s brains in full gear you’re pardoned to think maybe, just maybe they have been tampering with your brain without you knowing about it.
The problem is much of the society seems to be bent on seeing you act ‘kind.’ That, so the conventional wisdom goes, is what makes you a part of the society, a real human being. “You wouldn’t believe what a kind person he is! We’re lucky to have someone like him amongst us.” the accolades rain in. It’s not “You wouldn’t believe what a really strong person of principle he is!” No way! So even when you know it you’re in the wrong you are forced to act ‘kind’ and not ‘nice’ not to be alienated from the society.
“I can’t believe he refused to bail out that man. I tell you he’s a nasty person.”
“What did the man do?”
“He beat up his wife severely.”
“Is she hurt?”
“She’s still in hospital.”
And you’re a nasty person for not bailing out such a monster!
‘Kind’ or ‘right’…you choose.
THE ETHIOPIAN HERALD SUNDAY EDITION 11 JUNE 2023