BY DANIEL ALEMAYEHU
Parenting is one of the prestigious; but also the toughest tasks that demand the unreserved energies of parents and the whole family. Childrearing and parenting beyond fulfilling the basic needs of children, goes to nurturing and shaping kids in accordance to the desired standards and behaviors, guiding them to succeed in their future goal, and generating a responsible citizen.
The more positive effort is put into kids, the more likely to generate a more effective, responsible, accountable generation. That is why many people say that parenting is a life-long responsibility. Parents leave no stone unturned to satisfy their children’s needs; and roll their sleeves to support them in every endeavor thereby helping their children to succeed as best they can in their lives.
As Kahlil Gibran says, “Your children are not your children. They are sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you. And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts…” To this regard, although parents do whatever they can do to their children, it is also known that the child itself has the ability to acquire knowledge from the society. However, the share of the parents is still crucial in the child’s life. Recently, the Ethio- Swedish Alumni Network (ESAN) in collaboration with Swedish Institute (SI) had organized a book fair and a workshop under the theme ‘Positive Discipline in Everyday Parenting (PDEP)’.
According to Asst. Prof. Endalkachew Tesera, Psychology Lecturer at Addis Ababa University, parenting is the activity of supporting children to grow by fulfilling the necessary things. The responsibility starts from the day the child is born to its future life. In the current Ethiopian situation, there are notable challenges observed in the day-to-day activities of parenting. One of the challenges is not giving time to kids. Parents have very little chance to spend quality time with their children; rather they think that they can shape and manage things through punishment.
In an exclusive interview with The Ethiopian Herald, Endalkachew said that spending quality time with children does not mean fulfilling all their needs. Spending more time with kids helps parents to see themselves and nurture their children in the desired way, safeguard them from any bad practices; and shape their offspring; aside from keeping kids more strong physically, mentally and emotionally, enabling children to perform better in their schooling, building trust and confidence within them. As to him, communicating with children does not mean fulfilling their every need. Most parents focus on the bad activities that their children are committing rather than praising them when they achieve good things. Parents even start communicating when their children do something bad. We mostly ignore when they are acting good.
“One thing we, parents, should develop is the trend of praising and encouraging our children when they do good and let them know that they are noticed. It is observed that parents are very much curious about meeting the basic needs of their children, but kids need more than that. They need a person who shows them the right direction, tells them what is good and evil, sows the seeds of kind heartedness in their heart, and shows them their rights and responsibilities,” he added.
According to him, though we, Ethiopians, have plenty of experiences in relation to raising our children, it is also vital to adapt good practices from abroad. “In my experience, foreigners have great attachment not only with their children, even with their pets. They know everything about their dog and cats. They always do what is good for their pets. This implies how good they can be to their children. As a parent, we communicate with our kids and take what is important based on their age and level of understanding. “It is very important to understand every activity and thought of our children. It is essential not only to understand what they say but also what they do not say,” Endalkachew elucidated.
In earlier years, it was parents who knew everything about their children and decided on their fate. But these days, the world has changed; and it will never be the same again. Parents should give their ears, and listen to their children. To this effect, spending sufficient quality time with them is not only necessary but also mandatory. If parents raise their kids by practicing the idea of constructively interacting with their children, the child will develop the same experience in future life. Exercising positive parenting on a daily basis, as to Endalkachew, is very important to the physical, psychological and emotional development of children. Unfortunately, most parents have no or little understanding about it.
Many of the parents have limited awareness regarding the scientific knowledge of parenting and child raising. They simply replicate their past experience and what their parents had done while raising them in order to raise their own kids. Therefore, stakeholders, including parents, school teachers, and religious leaders should play in unison for a better raising of a child. Experts highly recommend that punishment must not be applied when we raise our child unless it is very exceptional. It is good to focus on the positive things that kids did rather than finding out what they do wrong, Endalkachew added.
By the same token, Geta Walelign, Lecture at Addis Ababa Science and Technology University said that being and becoming is a very important idea in parenting. “We are preparing our kids for their future adulthood by giving attention to their childhood. The idea of positive parenting is all about supporting and guiding kids to the desired way by showing them the right directions. It was introduced recently in Germany. Previous theories focus on filling children’s gaps, but the recent psychology is all about giving attention to and praising what already existed. Positive psychology and positive parenting are virtue and strength- based ideas. It is about cultivating what they have right now. Positive parenting focuses not on punishing and shaping rather fostering children’s strong virtues. Parents should be affectionate and empathetic. “Besides, we need to set long-term plans,” Geta stated.
Geta further indicated that in order to make our children disciplined, we make sure that communication and building good relations with our children is very important. But our communication must be with a logical reasoning. Communicating and interacting with children helps to create a better atmosphere with them because children are co-creator of their own future. The other important thing in positive parenting is praising kids when they do good things. Giving attention and appreciating kids when they do well is very helpful. This new theory of positive parenting, when kids do wrong rather than punishing them, applies opposite reinforcement. Again, we can apply negative punishment which is taking away what the kid needs. We can also use natural consequences unless they pose any danger.
The other one is supervision and monitoring. Parents should supervise and guide their children. They should also be a good role model to their children. “We need to guide them to practice age- appropriate behaviour. Their age should be considered.” At the event, Asst. Prof. Endalkachew Tesera, a psychology lecturer at Addis Ababa University, and Geta Walelign, a lecture at Addis Ababa Science and Technology University and Addis Ababa University presented a research paper focusing on the idea of parenting, and its styles coupled with positive parenting.
THE ETHIOPIAN HERALD TUESDAY 16 MAY 2023
