Times are changing. I mean it. Forget the bigger issues for the moment, in virtually every little way, times have changed. This claim has nothing to do with the concept of the ‘good old times.’ Look I find it a little unsettling seeing people feeling the itches when someone starts talking about the ‘good old times.’ It is as if life started with their generation and any attempt to downplay that ‘fact’ would be nothing less than blasphemous. I mean, after all every generation has its own ‘good old times,’ and they have every right to look back and give credit where credit is due to everything that has been nice and memorable while shutting out the dark sides digging them out does nothing to keep life’s pace measured and goal-driven.
Anyways, times have changed and there are no better proofs than us. The behavioral turnaround many of us manifest these days are so 1800 sort of movement it takes time for other to catch up. The first acts would be surprise; “I can’t believe that he has changed so much. Why, he was so shy who even felt the shivers when he passed close by a group of girls let alone act so recklessly while he has a family and is father of four! What’s got into the guy?”
“Maybe they have given him some magic potion without him knowing that changes behavior. You know, his success won him more enemies than friends.”
That’s a nice way of trying to give sense to the senseless. We are given to this notion of somebody being behind to our good-to-bad behavioral change. It must be others! How can we who were supposedly the most disciplined person anywhere in the Milky Way suddenly grow horns and claws! Yes, blame shifting is the name of the game. Most, if not all of us, miss those iron-strong nerves which allows to stand tall, head up chest out and admit, “I’m the one to blame for everything that has happened to me, and no one else is involved. I’ll do my best to regain my former self!” I mean if I end up as a 24/7 die hard drunkard the fact that no one puts the gun on my head with, “Drink it at one go, or else…”
Yes times have changed. Incidentally, in recent days I’ve come across a couple of old mates who I used to know as sort of ‘soft drinks fanatics’ but now have trued into now are ‘certified’ drunkards, ‘certified’ by popular opinions. Their attempts have me go out at odd hours to which I’m not used to do having failed they don’t seem to have much nice genes left for me. No, I’m not imagining. One of them very interestingly asked me, “What are you doing in your house at night since you don’t go out to drink!” I didn’t try to convince them or try to explain things as they wouldn’t work.
I later heard that the one who posed that question to me was at times some big shot sort of guy in a certain political grouping. That grouping, so they say, was no more before a decent number of people knew about its existence! Maybe, maybe the frustration of his failed, little ‘revolution’ got to his head and got the best of him! Yes, times have changed in ways you couldn’t have imagined sometime back!
There will be unexpected surprises. I mean when the fellow whom you used to treat with high esteem and look up to turns out to be some sort of a closet ‘tough guy’ who bullies everyone from his family to his coworkers you can’t help blinking a couple of times more than is normal. “Are you telling me he beats his wife? Are you telling me he is actually manhandling that classic work of God?”
“I just can’t believe what I’m hearing! That guy was the model of innocence for me!” Well, no more!
“Wasn’t he so for all of us! He also punches and kicks his two kids almost every day.”
“Was he always like this without us knowing about it?”
“No! Absolutely not!” He was the kind of the proverbial guy who doesn’t even hurt a fly! that was the memory you’ve about the prison.
I must have told you that kinds of people who cause me the most discomfort are those who ask me where I’m from anything that sounds as such. It’s not about people I know and have been familiar with. Even complete strangers who for some reason or another try to know ‘where I’m from’ don’t go well in my classification of who’s who. I beg your pardon! Ok, by ‘classification’ I mean that after knowing people for various lengths of time there are qualities you ascribe to them and their behaviors. So the next time they act in direct contradiction to their ‘established’ behavior you know the train has jumped tracks and brace up yourself for the new eventualities.
During the Christmas weeks a guy with whom I was very close in these tender years comes home after a stay of more than three decades of abroad. Though I’m not your sort of guy who jumps at hearing the homecoming and so and so this one was special and we met for more than a few times. And we didn’t even talk five percent of what we could have talked. On departure day we were chatting over coffee and that was when he took me by surprise.
“You know I never asked you. Where are you from?” With no exaggeration I can tell you that moment was at first about confusion as we both were from the center of town. I had no reason to think otherwise.
“I’m not sure I understand your question.” He gave it to me right in the face.
“Which part of country are you from!” That does it! I’m hearing from the mouth of my old friend who was nothing less than flesh and bone brother. Did the world change for me at that moment? Yes it did. So did my bodily language. He must have realized my discomfort and asked “Did I offend you?”
I told him it wasn’t about being offended but that it was one question I didn’t want to be asked. For a moment he kept quiet and after a minute or two he broke the uneasy silence taking along with him all the nicer memories I had about him.
“You know, it’s important that I know form where you are. I want to know the origins of my friends and their families. You know the politics of this country…” I didn’t want to hear any more from him and asked for the bill taking him off guard. He asked what was wrong with me. I didn’t only ignore his question without another word I settled the bill and while he remained shaken and open mouthed I left.
Yes, times have changed, so have behaviors!
The Ethiopian Herald April 23/2023