Time for the ‘usual complaint’ of life getting tougher by the day! The other day I had an appointment somewhere down and ordered tea and a piece of cake. Now several months back back I used to have that treat for twenty-eight or thirty birr or so. Poor me; little did I know that the ball was in Lucifer’s court when it came to settling bills these days! When the bill came, well, how can I out this; Say you have known me for decades; if you suddenly entered with the bill glued to my unmoving hands you wouldn’t have noticed it was me. I was not me! The blood seemed to have been virtually drained out of every vein of mine! Seventy Birr! A king’s ransom for a piece of cake which, by the way, tested more like a piece of loaf with some sugar sprinkled on it and tea in a not very nice
looking cup and they mug me! Seventy Birr isn’t settling some bill whatever it’s you took! It’s daylight robbery! (By the way dear café owners who might be feeling the itches at this moment, the sketch on top of the page isn’t me. It’s what ‘used to be’ me! So don’t bother to find who this guy calling seventy Birr daylight robbery is.)
Luckily I had a one hundred Birr bill and I was spared of the humiliation. Yes that was what probably awaited me. I mean, being not badly dressed and with a frown someone who probably wants people to think he’s a no-nonsense fellow saying, “I don’t have that much money in my pocket,” is like turning Billy the kid’s toy on yourself.
Look, if you think what I say could make any difference here is my take; if your wallet is too thin first keep the hell out of shiny places! How do you know which is which? Well, I’ll tell you how; start with the doormen; If they give you that sweeping look that toe-to-hair sweeping glance think twice before going in. If you decide to enter ask for the menu even before you are comfortably settled in some chair. Yes, yes I know you’re there for a cup of coffee. If you had known what they charge for a cup of coffee on some places you’d plead with your godfather for him to pray for you to drop the three-cups-of-coffee a day habit.
A couple of years back a fellow ‘invites’ a couple of his friends to one of those newer posh hotels in town. (No names, ok!) His story was that some relative sends him money enough to buy household furniture and a couple of thousand remains after all has been taken care of. That day he had some five or six hundred Birr on him and decided to live it up with his friends; the rest is history; they dined, drank and had a merry time until the bill of well over a thousand birr hit the table! His wife had to rush to their rescue.
The problem is that, especially these days with so many of the wrong crowd around probably no one would believe you if you claim not to have money enough to settle the bill after making sure no morsel of food remained on the plate! “Aha! Look, we’ve another one of those wise guys who think they could fool us! Anyways, I have to admit I’m still sore about that seventy Birr. I hope the number 70 wouldn’t turn into my nightmare!
The Ethiopian Herald October 3/2021