The irony of life is that it sternly involves struggle while it should have been carefree and enjoyable without incurring any form of trouble at all; this is the sole desire of human beings. Obviously, trouble causes us worry that denies peace of mind and in turn pervaded by anxiety. A close companion of anxiety is fear. A worried person is constantly seized with teeth and shakes. He is confronted by such insurmountable challenge until he solves the troublesome situation that perpetually bothers him. Reaction to this ominous situation differs from person to person.
Individual difference plays a great role in this particular situation. All people do not view life from the same perspective. Different aspects of a problem have apparent relation between them and so do different people in reacting to them. The same problem is viewed differently as easy or difficult challenge. We all face difficult situations, be it on a personal or a professional level. Since these situations come with unpleasant thoughts, emotions and sensations, we try to get rid of them, or sweep them under the carpet. They are gone, maybe in the short term. Truth is, we have little control over the thoughts and emotions that emerge from within us. Our reflex is often to fight them off instead of understanding them as they are.
If we can’t avoid these difficult thoughts and emotions, we can certainly learn how to deal with them more serenely. A very useful way to do this is by developing our observation skills, so that we can make conscious choices that bring us closer to what really matters.
This guide helps develop the habit of looking inwards and paying attention to the thoughts, emotions and sensations that arise sometimes without us being fully aware that they are there. Perhaps it does not give all the satisfactory answers, but provides an approach to become more connected to our experiences. Experience in this case is a tool for the struggle we make either to make ends meet or to aspire for more positive possibilities to economically or politically single out ourselves from the rest of those who are similarly contending; the struggle at this junction is for achievement of prestige.
You are experiencing or gaining knowledge about a situation or a change that triggers spiraling thoughts, emotions and difficult sensations. You want to explore in a different way the difficult situation you are experiencing right now, including those related to stress. Of all the struggles a person makes in life is the stress or pressure that is unavoidable day or night. It occupies the mind making the subject restless. In this circumstance one needs to pay attention to one’s behaviors, to reflexes, to habits and coping strategies when facing difficult situations. For that matter, coping strategy should be called into play to ease the struggle in life.
Coping occurs in response to psychological stress usually triggered by changes—in an effort to maintain mental health and emotional well-being. Life stressors are often described as negative events (the death of a loved one, loss of a job, divorce, etc.); however, positive changes in life (marriage, birth, moving, a new job, etc.) can also constitute life stressors, thus requiring the use of coping skills to adapt. Coping strategies are the behaviors, thoughts, and emotions that you use to adjust to the changes that occur in your life.
There are many coping styles that people regularly apply. Not all coping mechanisms are equally effective. Some may prove more effective than others, depending on the nature of the stressful situation and the person who is employing them. Ineffective coping mechanisms, also referred to as maladaptive coping, may also be applied to stressful events or internal conflict, often unconsciously. Maladaptive coping mechanisms are counterproductive which in effect frustrate the person making the struggle even harder.
Coping styles are of commonly broad categories that draw distinctions between methods. For example, instrumental coping (referred to as problem-solving) focuses on ways to tackle the issue in order to reduce stress around a given situation, while emotion-focused coping gathers tools to nurture one’s emotional health during the stressful period. According to researchers, coping is identified as being either active or avoidant. Active coping strategies involve an awareness of the stressor, followed by attempts to reduce the negative outcome. By contrast, avoidant coping is characterized by ignoring the issue, often resulting in activities that aid in the denial of the problem (e.g., drinking, sleeping, isolating).
There are two types of coping strategies: specific coping and common strategies. So far we’ve examined common styles of coping. Let us take a look at specific coping strategies.
Humor: pointing out the amusing aspects of the problem at hand, or “positive reframing,” is thought to help deal with small failures.
Seeking support: If you cannot endure the situation alone, asking for help, or finding emotional support from family members or friends, can be an effective way of maintaining emotional health during a stressful period.
Problem-solving: As described above, problem solving is an instrumental coping mechanism that aims at locate the source of the problem and determine solutions. This coping mechanism is often helpful in work situations.
Relaxation: Engaging in relaxing activities, or practicing calming techniques, can help to manage stress and improve overall situation. This technic is rather difficult for a person to bring himself to this state of mind while he is under stressful situation. Relaxation itself is a challenge to cause oneself less tight.
Physical recreation: Regular exercise, such as running, or team sports, is a good way to handle the stress of a given situation. This may involve yoga, meditating, progressive muscle relaxation, among other techniques of relaxation. Some of the types of recreation demand the physical and psychological makeup of the individual. Not all can fully engage in it and it becomes additional struggle.
Adjusting expectations: Anticipating various outcomes to scenarios in life may assist in preparing for the stress associated with any given change or event.
Denial: Avoidance of the issue altogether may lead to denying that a problem even exists. Denial is usually maintained by distractions, such as excessive alcohol consumption, overworking, or sleeping more than usual. Here, how hard the person employs the technic the struggle still lingers. It only renders a temporary relief.
Self-blame: Internalizing the issue, and blaming oneself (beyond just taking responsibility for one’s actions), leads to low self-esteem and sometimes depression. Once a person loses high opinion of oneself, the consequence becomes catastrophic, at times to extent of taking one’s life. That is the very consequence that depression ultimately leads to.
Venting: An externalizing coping technique, venting is the outward expression of emotions, usually in the company of friends or family. In moderation it can be healthy; however, ruminating on the negative can lead to strained relationships with friends over time. Apparently, antagonistic relationship caused by the exaggerated effort to relieve the person of the problem definitely worsens the situation. People may not fully understand him or her and gradually distance themselves from him or her. The victim of the circumstance, having realized that he or she is being stigmatized, will not hesitate to do anything to him or herself. In conclusion, there is no stress-free place on earth and so each person should be able to accept and adjust to difficulty as long as he lives.
BY JOSEPH SOBOKA
The Ethiopian Herald May 8/2021
