Family is the core of society’s healthy structure. A healthy marriage shapes a family which plays a big role in shaping a healthy society and creates further healthy citizen as well as a healthy country. However, if not handled well it is also undeniable that family undergoes many changes and challenges to meet its function and unfortunately some dissolution on family could end up in divorce.
According to a recent report from The Federal Vital Events Registration Agency in the last ten months in the capital Addis Ababa among 13,419 marriages, 1,020 has ended up in divorce, which is from 150 percent marriages to 96.6 percent divorces when estimated in percent. Even though divorce is not a new phenomenon in developed countries, it is becoming a trend in developing countries like Ethiopia which needs concerted effort and attention.
At the country level the data shows that in the last year 32 percent of weddings have ended in divorce with 23 percent, not to mention the unregistered marriages and divorces across the country. Some of the factors for divorce to happen are economic problems, child bearing issues, pressure or intervention from friends and family members and differences in ethnic and religious background of the couples among others. “The fact that the absence of well skilled marriage counseling services in the country has made the situation worse,” says Sister Hannan Jafar a psychologist and a relationship and marriage counselor.
As of her, a number of marriage counseling offices in the capital and in the country as a whole is inadequate and the habit of going to such services is not common. She said that divorce was rare means not common in countries like Ethiopia until recent times.
Family problems have been solved with different means of settling dissolution through cultural and legal means depending on the culture and tradition of the society. Here in Ethiopia people prefer to talk to a friend or take it to their elders or family when dissolution happens, she noted. However, as to her, this type of resolution may not bring lasting solution between couples as the mediating party would make efforts to retrieve the couple’s situation based on their own life experiences which may not comparable to the current situation of the couples.
This temporary solution, if so, could make the couples in peace only for a while until the problem relapses and eventually ends in a divorce, she explains. She added that marriage counselors on the other hand may not automatically fix marital problems and prevent from breaking apart, but through process they can bring about lasting solutions that sustains the marriage. Marriage enrichment psychiatrists see couple’s issues from the outside and different perspective.
Being aided by psychological studies and guidelines, they can present better options before the final option which is divorce, she noted. Extending her explanation, Sister Hannan said that the counselors use systematic approach on how to restore couple’s love and mutual understanding in a better way and assist them to focus on their similarity than their differences.
“They invite both parties for open discussion where couples talk freely without fear about their emotions and what they want out of the marriage. Positive outcome depends on the couple’s cooperativeness and willing to work on their union, she underscored.” On her recently published book ‘Mefetehe’ which literary means a Solution, S/r Hannan elaborates the do’s and don’ts of a healthy relationship and a guideline for ingredients of successful marriage. “As marriage is a union of couples based on commitment to one another with expectations of stable and lasting intimate relationship which is socially recognized and approved with wedding depending on social and traditional ways of celebrating union, it is a pity for people those spend a lot of money for wedding to end up in divorce,” she noted. Each person, as to her, comes to marriage with different personality and historical background, with different expectation and different ways of approach to things.
“Though marriage is a lifelong relation and assumed to be a source of happiness, it is like a prison for some. The initial love the couples felt for each other while entering to marriage seems to evaporate through time. However, there are ways that should be employed little by little to better care for the marriage and ignite the love that seems to be evaporated,” she explained. Keeping on further explanation about the ways, she said that creating conducive climate that seeks mutual understanding, willing to tolerate differences and discuss on problems arise in marriage are the most essential tasks throughout the journey of marital life.
Also, restoring the mutual respect and care the couples used to show one another during the time before marriage are the basis for sustaining healthy relationship, she added. According to S/r Hannan the dread of divorce is depressing and it has various negative consequences on the lives of divorced women and their children. In most cases, the aftermath of divorce is unfortunate for women and children as the entire responsibility falls on mothers’ shoulder with not or limited support from ex-husband. “Most street kids are the result of divorce or unhealthy family. Generally speaking, divorce creates ill-mannered citizens.
Therefore, it needs due attention from government, non-governmental organizations and helping professionals including social workers.” she remarked. To nip in the bud the negative impacts of divorce, the habit of marriage counseling should be enhanced throughout the country, she pointed out. She believes that couples can save their marriage depending their willingness and mutual cooperative and also marriage counseling can decrease the intensifying rate of divorce.
Herald March 5/2019
BY FASICA BERHANE
