Contributer
Making your way to one place or another, you bump into this long-lost guy. Before you even gear up for that firm, no no-nonsense handshake the first words that roll down his vocal chords are…
“What’s new?”
Sorry! What’s new about what! The last time you saw the guy the exchange rate was five Birr to a Dollar; and his idea of greeting to you is an emotion-starved… “What’s new!”
On the surface there’s nothing wrong about that. After all, we are in times when our supply of nice words stands at an all-time low. But, were the guy’s really nice words!
Look, if he really meant it, you could have told him what’s really new; you could have told him that in the last year and a half, five landlords gave you the boot and that the sixth one was already giving you that “I’m coming for you with blazing guns!” stare. You also could have told him you took to your heels from your well-paying job because the wolves were closing in for the kill; not because your skills mattered no more, but because that you were not one of ‘them’ mattered more. Also, your better half has left you out in the cold. It was not only her “Sayonara!” that tampered with the level of your red blood cells’ What makes it an Oscar material is she left you for your friend and the best man at your wedding. You could have told him that and a lot more.
A long-lost acquaintance not noticing the rate of deforestation on your once amazon-like head should be on the couch of the psychiatrist and not in the streets! Also the heavy frown on your not very presentable face is volumes thick and he could at least have said “Is everything right?” because everything was not alright and life has you in a chokehold. If he really wanted to know what’s new you could have told him all that and more: but that was not what it was all about.
My edgy genes tell me, a “What’s new?” epidemic is in full swing. But, the catch here is that “What’s new?” is not about greetings just as “Like a Virgin” was not about Madonna! It is about politics! With the heaviest of hearts we’ve to admit even our greetings have been politicized! So, when the long-lost guy asks…“What’s new?” it is about current politics and not about your current conditions.
“What’s new?”
“Well, you know that guy on TV who bad-mouths everyone except the interviewer?”
“Oh that one: who doesn’t know him! What about him?”
“Well, he has jumped fence. He joined another group”
“I knew it! I knew that guy will betray them! That good for nothing…”
Things turn into a complete new ball game. Betray! Talking of betrayal, when you really felt betrayed was when you found out there were one hundred thirty-plus political parties, in country where there aren’t even four or five clear cut political platforms! But take my word and give your vocal chords complete rest. No need to be part of a game where you’re guaranteed to throw in the towel thirty seconds into play! At times, silence could have more muscle than a ton of words! Better than playing second fiddle to the cheerleaders on side or another!
Speaking of greetings one couldn’t help but feel nostalgic. Hey, any mention of nostalgia these days could prove to be like walking on a minefield! Every time you have good words for something from yesteryears the bullets come flying in, “Look, they are trying to take us back!” Old time greetings might have been overstretched; time but the human element was there.
You’re asked about the wellbeing of not only yourself but of all your beloved ones, including your livestock if you happened to have some! And, as to the issue of the time ‘wasted’ in greetings we should be the last to complain. Only in a few places is time so brutally abused!
Fast forward to our times and the guy you haven’t seen for ages suddenly bump into you and the first words that comes to his mind are, “What’s new?” look in case of ‘long time no see’ situation the least you expect is the bear hug followed by, “You son of a gun; where have you been all those years!” sort of talk. Things don’t work that way! If you soft-hearted enough to expect the ‘mother of all hugs,’ sorry, it’s not going to happen; all you get is ‘the mother of all surprises!’
Anyways, “What’s new?”
Don’t you stare at me like that! I told you my edgy genes tell me an epidemic was in full swing!
The Ethiopian Herald December13, 2019
