Forgive and forget! Isn’t that the nicest phrase anyone would come up with? Three cheers to whoever said is first. Of course, whether we use it frequently these days is open to a hundred-plus questions. “What why should I forgive that %^&# after all she has done to me? Do you think that I’m some brain-dead morn! And you’re also telling me to forget it! You need to have your head checked!”
Just look around there are so many things which could have been solved with a simple please forgive me; I admit I was in the wrong.”
“Ok I forgive you!” would have been Smalltalk the applause to which would have brought down the house. Sad we don’t hear much of it these days!
Look, however nice and musical ‘forgive and forget’ feels and sounds the world doesn’t seem to made up for such scenarios; at least the present world which is so unlike of its image of a few generations back when hate loathing arrogance vice and all the worst terms of the dictionary made it to the mainstream of life. Yes no denying it makes good stuff for small talk where you curse almost everyone around to the extent that innocent souls might ask themselves who the hell you were leaving with having practically carpet-bombed everyone.
“This guy seems to have concluded there isn’t a single other person fair and fine except himself! He sounds like he has issues with almost everyone and that there was no person who hasn’t done him wrong.”
“May be he has some truth.”
“Truth in everyone doing him wrong?”
“I wasn’t meaning that. But maybe some people did some bad thing to him and he’s exaggerating things.”
“And you know what the most bizarre thing about him is! He says he wouldn’t forgive anyone.”
Well, I think he isn’t alone when it comes to that feeling. Forgiveness, despite its humane and even spiritual connotations doesn’t seem a strong aspect of the world we’re in. If forgiveness had even the smallest fraction impact on us I feel many disputes would have quieted down and the nose would have been much quitter that it is.
But then again it’s not as easy as it sounds. You tell a guy whose family has been destroyed by some cruel person and you ask him to forgive the culprit? Wouldn’t that be a little off the mark? I mean we’re talking about a family completely destroyed and the culprit is probably moving around destroying other families and you ask to forgive him! You might even quote the most pacifying words from the scriptures to convince the guy to let the bygones be bygones and that might smoothen some rough edges. But still someone whose wonderful and well-functioning family was destroyed not because of his actions but the actions of someone who just isn’t comfortable seeing good and well-functioning families is a very hurt person. Imagine his wife having left him with the children and he has yet to go a long way to convince her things was all the machinations of an evil person if, and this is important, she is willing to hear him or anybody out on the issue. In such instances the evil ones craft their story so thoroughly that it is very difficult to win back those who have been carried away with the narratives.
So forgiveness for all its melancholic and heart-pleasing feeling isn’t as easy as it sounds.
I brought up this after hearing some story which almost sounds a real script. There is this guy who they say has weaponized, as the most recent political narratives repeat over and over again, forgiveness as a tool. The guy so they say, was a dyed-in-the-wool borrower. The story is that he borrows from everyone who he thinks has as much of a couple of hundred and he doesn’t flinch a single cell when he actually asks someone, “You know I’m in a very difficult problem. “Can you led me two thousand birr which I’ll return in a couple of weeks?” And, as interesting as things turn out to be, you don’t have to be his friend, his work colleague or whatever and might even haven’t met him more than a couple of times while you were with friends who happened to know him.
The climax which, frankly speaking, is no more a climax was that he never pays back whatever he borrowed. And this has nothing to do with the money being little or much. They say it was just that the fellow was made with such genes! He plays that innocent fellow on whom life was dumping all its unwanted garbage and he finds it hard to stand on his two feet. The real story is this guy was you gold-medal material sort of innocent during daytime and a complete opposite once the night sets in. Almost every night of the week he either at one or another spot. Simply put he lived it up with borrowed money.
But the guy wasn’t letting his guard down. He avoids places where the possibility for people who know him running into him is great. Even though his reputation has made the rounds and many had been hoodwinked by him still people keep on lending him! Even those who previously lent him and didn’t get back their money lend him a second, even a third time. There are two narratives here. One is that he is such a gifted talker and knows all the right words to break people’s defenses it was hard to turn down his appeals or requests. The second which I’m told has the most number of adherents was that the person was deep into the occult and that was why he mesmerized almost everyone into submission.
Now, when confronted to repay he never denies taking money. What he does was talking about how life was difficult for him and asks for forgiveness because he wasn’t able to repay! And, I’ve to tell you to gear up, I was told many indeed forgive him! Yes they do forgive him!
Think about it, don’t you think ‘weaponized forgiveness’ is no more a myth or something out of the world but a day to day reality?
BY EPHREM ENDALE
The Ethiopian Herald September 8/2024