Third party uncalled for interference in anyone’s life seldom does end with all sides having a nice time. No, way. Many times than not third parties who interfere in the lives of others come with this “If I say do it, then you do it!” arrogance of being on the highest ‘throne’ possible. Believe me, third party interferences are responsible for the breakdown of marriages and friendships and for the innocent to take the wrong path only to end up in the worst of situations.
Look, few people, if any, feel comfortable with others trying to dictate them what they do with their lives and the choices they should make. Third parties dive so deep into the personal lives of people that ‘privacy’ becomes just a meaningless term, despite what the dictionaries claim it means.
“That guy I saw you with this morning is your best friend?”
“You bet he is.”
“We don’t believe you should hang out with him.” What! What the hell is the dude saying?
“What do you mean?”
“Well I and the guys think he is a very arrogant fellow who doesn’t even greet people.” So what!
“You guys should know that we’ve remained best friend for almost two decades and you’re telling me to breakup with him! What wrong have you seen on him to tell me to break my friendship?”
Of course the answers wouldn’t be any near to convincing as their misgiving probably is that he’s the type of guy who holds for himself; a confident, self-assured fellow who refuses to roam the watering halls of the city with the packs whose only goal about life seems to be, “Drink, and as much as you can!” Third parties give themselves the right of deciding who your friends should be while you’ve never asked for their opinions. Third parties mean the most uncomfortable thing happening to you.
I remember quite a while ago a young man whose choice for a future wife was almost thwarted by so-called relatives who decide they were the ones who should make the final call. Mind you, there was no outstanding problem on the part of the young lady except that she was one of those wonderful souls who was confident of herself and never shied away from letting people realize that she was indeed the master of her own fate. Initially these relatives attempted the age-old ways of trying to turn her into a person who bowed to everything they said. No, she was not ready to fall for that. In fact things go to the extent of telling her how she should treat her husband once they were married.
They called her arrogant and a lot of names just because this young lady held her head up and refused to be dragged into backward practices playing the underdog just because she was a lady and young.
Things took a nasty turn when a member of her family who got wind of what the young man’s relatives were trying to do decided that he was not the right man for their beautiful young lady. Now through all these the young man never desisted from standing by the side of his future wife. But this relative of the young woman was someone the type of whom takes no prisoner. Through all these time the parents of both of them never interfered and accepted the choices of the children. It was the so-called third parties who were messing up things.
Despite the strong pressure from these determined to throw the marriage plan on the rocks the youngsters got married their own way. They convinced their families that there was no need for overdoing things and theirs was quite a solemn and quite ceremony where only fifty or so of carefully selected relatives and friends were invited. In fact the marriage ceremony was more of a secret! Yes the interfering horde of relatives found out about the whole thing after both the youngsters vowed, “I do;” and there was nothing they can do about it.
In the old days people who think they have the right to choose the future of youngsters tell their parents, “Your son should be a pilot.”
“Your daughter should be a housewife and her husband will provide her.” It is a verdict of the whole future of the lady. Still clinging to shockingly primitive idea if a woman’s job was in the house to it astounding there are those who still hold such a notion. We have heard of well-educated people some of whom in fact who had contact with the outside world thinking that a woman’s place was in the house! Would you believe that! Do believe it, because it happens even in the highly informed age we’re in. Sometimes those close having high consideration for these people it can’t be said their interference wouldn’t bring about any difference. It could bring about devastating results.
I have once heard of a marriage which just crumbled because the husband finally decides his wife should leave her quite comfortable office job and become a housewife. They say no one knows where the hell he got the idea. And this gentleman was supposed to be a fairly informed modern man who is expected to know much. His better half refused to budge while he kept on insisting home was her place. At that time, only a few years into their marriage, they didn’t have any children and there was no argument of the wife playing the mother role. Finally she had had enough and applies for divorce. Her decision came a sort of ICBM that caught her husband unawares. It was probably a move he never expected to happen. He then relents and says that he has dropped his request and his wife can keep her job; just like that. But the damage was already done and she said enough was enough. The marriage just ended up on the rocks. I wonder how the two of them are doing now.
-Castles and Dungeons
How can anyone feel comfortable with people who tell him he should drop his long time fiancé just because she refuses to join their league and play along because theirs and theirs only was the perfect league to join? How can anyone feel comfortable with people who try to tell them what sort of political outlook they should have because that was their line and their line is always right? (Sort of the golden Road’ to Heaven!) “I’m the only prolific actor in this country because I feature in so many films and I still get the calls by the scores. (Well, that would have been somewhat possible had it not been for the fact that in these days appearing in many films doesn’t mean one is an Oscar or Golden Globe material. The ways in which some are rumored to get many roles despite being just another of the hundreds or even the thousands of actors and actresses in the crowd could have many side stories, of course, not-so-nice side stories. Not many chances for back-patting there!)
“We’re the best political party with the perfect outlook of the outstanding problems of the country and there foolproof solutions because our top brass have been in it for decades and have lived through it all! Our members could tear down the arguments of any other political groups or activists and render them worthless because when it comes to politics the buck ends with us.”
Well, nice that they have lived through it all and were lucky enough to tell their stories through marathon interviews and heavy volumes. But, if the efficiency of politics or any other field was decided by how long the practitioners stayed put in the business many politically bent old-timers wouldn’t have created so much confusions and ended up messing up things. Well, unfortunately the narratives and the realties on the ground seldom agree. I mean when it comes to politics or things that rhyme with it in these country it is astounding to realize that decades of involvement or ‘experience’ didn’t put a single loaf of bread on the table! So people are pardoned to see the picture of the past as a completely messed up because it that some of that mess which slipped through to the latter years.
“Look, the guys has been to many to the top educational institutions abroad. I tell you he’s a very smart guy.”
“Well if he is so smart why isn’t able to see eye-to-eye with the local staff? From what I hear he carries around an ego which is so inflated everyone in that place is offended one way or another.”
“That’s because we back here have difficulty to think as effectively as a smart guy like him who worked and lived with the ferenjis think.”
Well, well, well! Look the worship of anything from across the oceans is a problem that we don’t seem to cast off that easily. It seems our minds have been so intentionally tailored in ways that close every door to our own wonderful and great sides and look across the oceans. The worship of those who return after years of training and living abroad goes over the edges many times. As mentioned above if there are problems in places run or administered by such returnees the fault is always lies with the local crowd. “Oh, they are so backward minded that they are not ready to change not only the way they do things but also the way they think. What do you expect the guy to do in such instances?”
By the way when we talk about returnees there is also one outstanding fact. Many have returned home after years of being away in search of knowledge and done great things to make the right and most effective changes in institutions and such places without bulldozing the values and wonderful customs of the locals. Such people don’t try to impose what they got from wherever they have been onto the people. No, that’s not how they do things. In fact they customize their knowledge in such ways that the locals take up useful changes without compromising their own values.
We are talking about the others who try to always play the “I have been trained, worked and lived for years abroad so accept whatever I say and whatever I do without any question!” game. Just rewind a few decades and look at the politics (again!) and try to comprehend without any prejudice or bias what really happened when it comes to the involvement of those from across the seas and the oceans and some of the maladies we still are trying to save ourselves from.
While we are at it there is this story of many of our compatriots making it back home and the expectations of the locals were that the new factories and big businesses would practically mushroom in no time. There is nothing wrong with such positive convictions. So people asked, “So what is that guy who studied electrical engineering in Germany in the US doing now?”
“Oh, didn’t you hear? He opened a wonderful restaurant in Bole area.”
What about that lady who studied software engineering in the US doing? I hope she has by now set up a big tech company.”
“She has opened a trendy nightclub and you can’t believe how crowded it could be on weekend nights!”
So much for the factories and big businesses!
Anyways this trend of putting oneself in the glass castle and trying to look down on everyone else as second class human beings is the worst kind of behavior. It would have been nice if we could say, “Oh, luckily such individuals and groups don’t exist amongst us.” Well, I’m sorry to break it to you if indeed I’m doing that; they do exist!
I mean when someone thinks they are always on the right the chances for any civilized discussions go out of the window, because the doors on the other side are all bolted. When you’re on the wrong path of something and refuse to acknowledge it regret wouldn’t be long in coming. Maybe, just maybe, it is high time we took people and groups for what they are and not that they are supposed to be; because we are in time when what you get is not actually what you should get and smartness comes in being able to root out the differences.
So individuals and groups who act as if they are in the castle on the highest peak of the highest mountain and the rest of humanity is down there in the dungeons could do justice to themselves if they only take a good and innocent look at themselves
THE ETHIOPIAN HERALD SUNDAY EDITION 16 JUNE 2024