BY JOSEPH SOBOKA
It is natural and necessary to move with people as humans for the beauty of decency there lies. No one person can survive the bitterness of loneliness under any circumstance. As long as one is in sane mind, one does not opt for being without a companion of any kind. If so, he or she becomes so sad or melancholy because he or she lacks companions and sympathy with no one sharing his or feelings. Therefore, whichever direction the event turns, it is a must that people should involve in the life of the person.
For a man to be lonely, internal factors such as low self-esteem have profound place and are greatly attributable to the situation. People who lack confidence in themselves often believe that they are unworthy of the attention or regard of other people, which can lead to isolation and chronic loneliness. Could such state of mind be rooted in the lack of decency in dealing with the people on the part of the victim? Companions little care for a person who cannot conduct himself in acceptable manner.
Obviously he should know with whom to identify; may be the people he wishes to move with seem to be in a different phase of their lives than you are. Or perhaps you’ve got all the friends you could possibly want, but you still don’t feel connected due to lack of proper approach and adjustment to their way. Because of this, at one time or another, everyone feels lonely. As a matter of fact, the hard part is dealing with loneliness when it overcomes you. But chronic loneliness can have serious health impacts involving in everything from depression and alcoholism, to strokes, decreased immune system, and early death.
To avoid the crisis, make a list of the people you can be with when you’re lonely. Be determined to make yourself approachable in the way you say and do things while you are with them; the words you use matter a lot and need to be meticulously chosen lest they easily offend the listeners. Make yourself amicable or do things in a friendly way so that people enjoy your presence. If you do so the beauty of decency exhibits itself thereby paving the way to good relationship.
Suppose you cannot make yourself at home with others, don’t cling to your loneliness; look for someone who can help you out of your trouble. In this case perhaps it could be a friend, family member, or an acquaintance who keeps things positive? Give yourself a list of people to lean on when you feel like you don’t have anyone to talk to. You want to keep your options open, so list as many as you can. Avoid leaning on a single person, if you can — it can put too much pressure on the relationship and leave you reeling if they’re not available when you need them the most.
To make the beauty of decency come out, try to be social sometimes — even if you don’t feel like it. Does the idea of talking to new people make you break out in a cold sweat? That’s not unusual. Loneliness has a way of making social interaction seem pointless. At some point, you just have to compel yourself do it. Daily affirmations, like positive “I” statements, could help. “I am interesting, I have things to offer, I am not afraid of rejection” are among a few good examples. Claiming alone does not amount to anything; you need to act on it.
For instance, while you engaged in casual friendly discussions, you need to be ultra-careful. People’s feelings are brittle; they easily shatter unless properly handled. First of all you must be attentive listener. You should be in grip with the gist of what’s being said. Based on your adequate understanding, you can air your feelings reasonably or in the way they can acceptable by your friends or the listeners. The tone of your language either attracts or repels your listeners. Simply throwing words without considering whether or not they harm the feelings of others can easily make you misunderstood and you may not be able to drive your thoughts home and can even wrap up or overshadows the beauty of your decency in the context of human relationship.
Together with this, in the incidence of one of your friends cracking a joke, it is absolutely indecent to interrupt him saying that you know the joke. To some, it becomes offensive since your intention looks a deliberate act to humiliate him. In this case, in fact, you should appear interested and admire him just to make the situation enjoyable. This ensures you the acceptance of the group to become their friend. The simple lesson here is, do not act smart to outshine others, which in the process makes you to lose their favor and rejected.
Another way of exhibiting your decency to gain acceptance, at higher level is contributing to your community in a way that feels good and it can be a wonderful remedy for loneliness. The interactions can help build positive connections with new people who are happy to see you. Decency brightly shines over the darkness of being rejection by others.
Abreast of this, giving to charity, tipping people for their service, paying taxes that have evaded are sheer signs of exhibiting our decencies that enable us acceptably live with others. To more strengthen our good relations, we should help colleagues and friends even when we understand that they will be unable to reciprocate. If good relationship is based on give and take system, the outcome can be rather bitter eventually. That is not a civilized approach to peaceful way living together.
All the same incurring personal costs in order to punish or harm others is highly prohibited as it pushes us further into depression if our goal is not achieved. For the reason that once the scheme is found out, people equally plot against you to worsen your situation of rejection. One reason to behave that way is passion. We are genuinely kind or spiteful, taking joy from others’ pleasure or pain. Therefore we should pursue social goals instead of our own material wellbeing.
Another reason for this is decency. We feel a duty to act kindly. At first sight, passion and decency may seem similar, but they are not. The altruistic person who considers the wellbeing and happiness of others will cherish opportunities to behave altruistically. By contrast, even though he is not condemned, the decent person may prefer to forgo those opportunities whenever duties are not thereby violated. For example, one might be charitable when faced with a fundraiser, yet takes pains to avoid the fundraising drive. He does not put himself in a position to oppose fundraising even if he does not want to be involved.
The worst side of it is that blurs the beauty of decency maybe we do promote our own material well-being in these cases too. We may be afraid that a selfish act hurts us by causing social contagion. We may even hold “magic beliefs” that if we fail to cooperate, bad consequences will immediately follow. This is fear emanating from lack of confidence.
Decency is shaped by powerful cultural forces. Instilling decency is an integral task of many roles and occupations. Parents, teachers, authors, and managers foist social understandings and values on their children. It is at this age that decency take root to play a major role in the future life of the children so that they can lead fear-free life while getting along with the people. Decency is thus more immediately tied to cultural variation in moral behavior.
To the writer, decency that is associated with such moral engineering should take into account not only the social benefits that decent behavior generates, but also the losses that social obligations impose on the individual.
The other assumption is that individuals internalize the society’s moral judgment. That is, the individual takes social understandings and values into account even in the absence of external observers, rewards, or sanctions. In this sense, a particular passion – guilt is involved in the production of decency. The victim is rather compelled to heal through efforts his behavioral malady.
The Ethiopian Herald June 30/2021
