Part 3
In the theory of Sigmund Freud, psychoanalysis, there are psychological concepts that are posited from the perspective like low self-esteem and insecure or unstable sense of self. Low self-esteem according to Sigmund Freud is the belief that oneself is less worth than other people. Therefore this self doesn’t deserve attention, love or any other life rewards. Unstable sense of self on the other hand in this theory is understood as the inability to sustain a feeling of personal identity, to sustain a sense of knowing oneself. In the novel called Altezewaworechim which did mean she didn’t pass, the character that exhibited these concepts mainly is Haymanot, the best friend of the major character Mahdereselam.
Haymanot hailed from a poor family.So she did not appear clean every time in class. Since Mahdederselam’s mother was very active and stylish, she beautified her baby girl when the latter went to school. But Haymanot’s mother was a poor woman who led the family engaging in menial work and she didn’t have an inkling pertaining to beautifying her baby girl. Hence, Haymanot was seen as untidy, unkempt, and less attractive whenever she walked beside Mahdereselam. Many including her mother used to see her lousy, unfit, ugly, and weak. This forced her to sow a seed of inferiority and hatred of Mahderselam since that early age.
ተስፋ አስቆራጭ መልክ ነው ያለኝ:: በዚያ ብኩለው በዚህ አስቀያሚነቱ እየባሰበት የሚሄድ ምንሽ ነው የሚያስጠላው? ቢሉኝ አላውቅም ግን እንዲሁ መልኬ ቆሜ እያዩኝ እዚያው በቆምኩበት የሚረሳ ዓይነት ነው:: ሰው ካልታወሰ ምኑ ይፈቀራል? የማፍቀር ተቃራኒው መጥላት አይደለም መረሳት ነው:: ማንም የሚያፈቅረውን አይረሳም እኔ ግን ሰዎች አእምሮ ውስጥ በትዝታ መዝገብ እንዳልፃፍ የተረገመምኩ ይመስለኛል:: በዚህ እና በሌላ ሌላ ብዙ ምክንያቶች ስለራሴ ከማሰብ ይልቅ ስለሌሎች ጉዳይ መፈትፈት እወዳለሁ:: ሌሎች ላይ ለመድረስ ሳይሆን ከራሴ ለመሸሽ:: (135-136)
I have a desperate look. On the other hand, what is so disgusting about this ugliness that keeps getting worse? I do not know if they will look at me, my look is almost forgotten where I’m still standing. If a person is not remembered, what will be loved? The opposite of loving is not hating but forgetting. No one forgets the one they love, but I think I am cursed not to be recalled in people’s minds. For this and many other reasons, I like to open up about others rather than thinking about myself. It is not to reach others, but to run away from myself.
As it is seen in the above extract, Haymanot was deprived the right from believing in herself. The negative attitudes that she mentioned are simply made based on false hypothesis. She did not want to know about her real personality because she was afraid to know the reality about herself. Thus, in order to evade this reality she preferred to dig more about others just for knowing, analyzing and deciding about them but not for drawing lessons to turn herself round. This is one instance that showed low self-esteem.
Since Haymanot was developing a wrong lower self-esteem, she was not attaching any credit for her personality and life. The symptoms began to surface while she was a 10th grader.
There was a married man who had children. Since driving a vehicle he shuttles between his home and office on the same path with Haymanot and Mahdereselam, after work, he was talking them into taking a lift. One day Haymanot was alone. He invited her to hop on the front seat of the car. Then he started advancing seeking sexual intimacy. He was touching her private part. But since she had a lower self-realization, she was not taking any care oblivious of her dignity. Rather she was worrying for him. She showed super willingness though she was a virgin at that time. Here is the instance; “በዝምታ አድርጊ የሚለኝን ሁሉ አደርጋለሁ:: ጓጉቻለሁ አውቃለሁ ምን እንደሚሆን ጣቴን የምጠባ ህፃን አደለሁም:: ከሆነም ከዚህ ሰው ጋር መሆኑ የተለዬ ተዓምር ነበር-ለእኔ:: እንዲያውም በመኻል ይቅርብን ብሎ ተነስቶ እንዳይሄድ እየፈራሁ ነበር::” (144). “I was doing whatever he ordered me to do silently. I was eager, I knew what is going to happen, and I am not a finger-sucking baby. If it should happen, a record moment of physical intimacy with this man is nothing short of a miracle for me. In fact, I was a bit afraid that in the middle of the act disrupting things he could say sorry and leave.”
She did not mention anything about her. Rather she was keen to sleep with this person whose personality she believed is much better than hers. Her only fear was what if he changed his mind, not the consequence fate of her life. Here under the paragraph showed the said point.
አጠቃላይ ለነገሩ አዲስ መሆኑ ከፈጠረብኝ መደነባበር እና ጭንቀት ውጪ ይሄ ሰው ምንም ቢያደርገኝ ቅሬታ አልነበረኝም:: ይሄ ቆንጆ ሰውዬ ሀብታም ሰውዬ ሳቂታ ሰውዬ ቆንጆ ሚስት ያለችው ሰውዬ የሰፈሩ ሰው ሁሉ የሚያከብረው እና የሚወደው ሰውዬ ምንድን ነው ከኔ ጋር የሚሰራው…? (144).
Apart from the confusion and anxiety caused by the fact that this experience is foreign to me, I had no complaints whatever about what this person do to me. This handsome, wealthy and funny man, a man with a beautiful wife, respected and loved by everyone in the village, what is this man doing with me…?
Since she counted herself as a useless one, the man that she believed gorgeous, rich, respected and above all the one who had a beautiful wife is worth more than her own life. Thus, she saw physical intimacy with such a man is more valuable than her pride. That is why she willingly allowed herself to be sexually abused. Worsen than that, she got pregnant for him. Then he persuaded her to abort the baby. She went through a painful abortion that exposed her for further infection.
This man was approaching Mahdereselam with the mentality that she could also be an easy prey as her friend. He ordered Haymanot to leave Mahderselam alone so as to execute the same strategy. Then she did as he needed. But Mahderselam proved very resistant. While he was attempting to touch her private part, she nervously beat him back and shouted at him to stop the car. This evidence is seen when Mahdereselam narrated the happening to Haymanot in the paragraph below.
…ስወጣ አግኝቶ ልሸኝሽ አለኝ እንዲያውም ሀይሚም የለችም ብቻዬን ከምሄድ ገላገለኝ ብዬ ደስ አለኝ:: ከኋላ ልገባ ስል ጋቢና ግቢ አለኝ አገር ሰላም ብዬ ዘዉ ትንሽ እንደሄድን ዛሬ ብቻችንን ተገናኝተን የኔ ቆንጆ ብሎ በዛ ሰፌድ እጁ ጡቴን አላፈሰኝም መስለሽ…’አዉርደኝ’ ብዬ ስጮህ ሊሟዘዝ ብጮህበት ብወራጭ ሊሰማኝ ነው?!…ጭራሽ ከመውረጃዬ ሊያሳልፈኝ … መኪናው ሳይቆም በሩን ልከፍት ስታገል እጄን ያዘኝ በጥፍሬ ያንን ቀይ ጣሳ ፊቱን ተለተልኩለታ! ሳይወድ በግዱ ወደ ዳር ሲወጣ በሥርኣት እንኳን አላቆመም ወርጄ መሮጥ በዪው:: (148)…When I left school, he hunted me down and asked me to hop on his car. I was glad that he spared me the discomfort of going alone since you were not there. When I was about to go for the back seat, he talked me into sitting next to the driver seat saying ‘My beautiful,’ then he grabbed my breast with his wider hand… I screamed, ‘Get off me ‘, I shouted at the top of my voice. When I struggled to open the door before the car stopped, he grabbed my hand. I dug deep my sharp nails into his hand. Then I slapped that tomato face of his! He was forced to go to the edge, he didn’t even stop; I took to my heels.
From these paragraphs it is evident that the two characters (girls) have different credits to what they attached to their identity or self-perception. Haymanot was tolerant of the advances of the man, but Mahdereselam mentioned how revolting and disgusting the experience was while she narrated the story to Haymanot. While she was experiencing that first touch Mahdereselam was aggressive. This means that she had a greater personal dignity that she attached with herself. Thus she managed to avoid the sexual abuse. From this it can be concluded that sexual harassment could also happen do to the wrong social programming of the female herself.
Even after hearing this story, Haymanot was not drawing any lesson. Rather she was happy that Mahdereselam didn’t have sexual affair with that man. Though she felt entrenched inferiority complex because she is no more a decent and reserved girl as Mahdereselam, she became ecstatic that Mahdereselam did not become intimate with him. “ውስጤ በደስታ አብዶ ነበር … የማህደረ ጋሽ አላምነህ ጋር አለመተኛት ግን ልደታን አደራ እንዳላልኩ ሁሉ ውስጤ የማነስ ስሜት ፈጥሮብኛል በጨዋነት የመበለጥ::” (148). “I became crazy with happiness… Mahdereselam did not sleep with Gash Alamneh. But I felt inferiority inside that I am no more decent girl.”
The psychological makeup of a given female does have a greater impact on the effectiveness and identity of her as such if there is mal programing or upbringing it wreaks havoc in the family and in the society too. Haymanot could not be a good model for the coming younger generation. At the same time, she is no longer seeks her own life satisfaction. She neither knows and nor respect herself. The writer finally showed the irrelevance of this poor self-perception by making her life miserable at the end. She ended up suffering losses. That is dangerous in the process of nation building and societal transformation that is why the writer anchored this gist artistically.
To be continued.
BY MEKDES TAYE (PHD)
THE ETHIOPIAN HERALD FRIDAY 8 NOVEMBER 2024
