This one is an issue we somewhat touched previously. You know, about people changing one way or another. Take the diehard alcoholic who, after maybe decades of dedicated heavy guzzling, others have given up on him. The conventional wisdom would be that trying to talk him out of his habit would be the stupidest thing to do as whoever tries would end up frustrated. People would say that since alcohol is already in his bloodstreams and there’s nothing anyone can do. And the guy himself is so ‘comfortable’ with his drinking who the hell is anybody to tell him otherwise? He could be a well-educated family man and father who wouldn’t be accused of illiteracy as to knowing about the consequences of regular alcohol consumption.
There was this guy well into his late forties who somehow divides his time to living here for a couple of months usually on business and moving to his regular residence in the US for much of the time. The catch here is in both places he drank, and drank like hell. Being well placed economically expenses were never the issue. And also he looked after his family like any true family man does. One thing you seldom hear with other alcoholics and he does is that he never, and I mean never, drinks more than a glass of wine at home. Isn’t that wonderful? As they say he also seldom comes home drunk or anywhere near that. While here he lives it up with quite a crowd of friends.
With a few weeks to the Ethiopian New Year he lands in Addis. Now the usual routine was that his friends were told of his arrival weeks before touchdown. This time that didn’t happen. He arrives in Addis in the first week of the Ethiopian month of Nehase. Almost a week on a Friday he phones a couple of his friends. They were surprised as they should have been. It has been years since they have been going through that routine and when things suddenly snap here and there surprise comes as a very human reaction. They agreed to meet next afternoon. “Aha!” His friends must have said, “This one is going to be a Saturday to remember. Payday still a few weeks away and the holiday expenses hovering over them as dark scary clouds having someone treating them to a wonderful Saturday afternoon and perhaps, if luck was on their side, evening too would be a blessing.
When they finally meet in one of their favorite hangouts he was smart enough to play down things as to why he didn’t phone earlier with what they later said were incomprehensible reasons. Indeed right from the start it was becoming a Saturday to remember. The only thing was that things didn’t go as they thought they would or they were accustomed to. All of them had their beer in front of them but he opted for a soft drink. What! Their friend must have some real medical reason. He was having soft drink! Yes, he was in one big trouble and they were probably readying themselves for the dark news to come. It did indeed come; but again not in the way they expected. One of them gathered enough oxygen to ask him “Is anything wrong with you?”
“No, why do you ask that?”
You’re having drink. As the guy who narrates the story says their friend lets out a hearty laughter and throws a few words that have more effect than the ballistic missiles and drones flying all over Ukraine and Russia! “I’m alright. I’ve stopped drinking.” What! The totality of the shock was so much so it was as if a collective anesthetic or something was applied on them. (After the ‘pager explosions’ stories of the last few days, nothing, absolutely nothing seems impossible!) Before they could pump in enough oxygen and, of course, alcohol into their blood streams he says he couldn’t stay with them much longer as he had an evening business meeting. Now he is forcing them to pick the tab? No, he is not. He pulls out a wad of thousand birr probably fresh out of the bank, puts it on the table he wishes them to have a good time, promises to call and leaves. He never called as he left the next day.
This couldn’t have been about them, could it? I mean any guy who throws a wad of ten thousand birr your way is either the craziest dude within a few thousand square miles or he’s an innocent guy who wants to avoid his friends misunderstanding his actions.
When the guys meet the next day after working hours he was the main and only agenda. Arguments and sometimes shouting matches ensued. Among the five only one has any good words for the guy. He tried to argue that people are bound to change moving away from their bad habits and that their friend finally kicked away his drinking habits. He tried to convince them their friend must have been under good professional scrutiny back in America and things weren’t about them but about him. He convinced none of them. They said it was about them and what came after that was typical of many of us with them berating him for a hundred and one ills. (I have to tell you that the story was narrated to a couple of us by one of the four who later scolded himself for having been so negative about such a wonderful friend who always gave what he can and didn’t expect any return for them! We need more of such people!)
If the narrative we heard was to go by this guy wasn’t only inviting them all over town when he as here but he regularly sent money, and things like mobile apparatus laptops and what have you. And just because he called it quits when it comes to his drinking habit he was transformed into ‘enemy number one!’ sad!
It’s indeed very sad that many tend to throw you out of the widow not because you have done any bad thing against them but because you have reviewed your behavior and actions and decided to make a complete housecleaning. Of course one factor of the housecleaning would be passing lesser time with the crowd as you’d call it “Enough is enough!” when it comes to overdrinking and such harmful behaviors.
People indeed change for the better and what they need is the big pat on the back and not the big punch on their reputation!
Pat or punch changes everything in relationships!
BY EPHREM ENDALE
The Ethiopian Herald September 22/2024