Everyone wants to be nice. I mean it is much better to be referred to as a ‘nice guy.’ “He looks like he is a very nice guy;” rather than being cut to pieces with, “I don’t like the look of him. He seems to be someone hiding all the demons inside him.” And all these before they even know your name. Don’t be surprised to find out your reputation has been written in big fonts among the community even before you’ve even uttered a single word, and even before people have any idea of your ‘what,’ ‘who,’ ‘where,’ and the like.
A friend of mine a couple of years back relocates to a third floor two bedroom condo seeking to lead the quite life where you always lock your door and no one would bother you like it seems to be the case in those traditional villages. While we’re at it living in traditional villages has all those wonderful experiences where you can see people’s behaviors being played out in real time in front of your very eyes. The knock on the door could come at all the hours of the days and early evening even by villagers you never said “Hello!” to.
“Sorry, did I create any problem?”
“No! You didn’t create any problem.” And the unwritten rule of the game seems to be you don’t ask “What can I do for you?” You have to wait for the ‘guest’ (synonyms with ‘intruder!’) speaks.
“I came to you because I’ve got a little problem. Neighbors told me to ask you.” “Ask me what you #%$^ intruder! Don’t you know by coming to my door and knocking on it at this hour is trespassing!’ No you can’t be that rude.
“My wife has this health problem…” No not again. Not again loans for medical bills of some family member. ‘This couldn’t be happening to me!’ How you would have liked if you could say that! He goes on to narrate to his wife’s medical history and draws nearer to the question of the day. The interesting part here is that of all the medical problems he claimed his wife suffers from are true she should be awarded some prize for making it through this far! And all the time under the care of a hubby who doesn’t generate any sense of confidence in others. He seems to be in a hurry not to return to his home but to go somewhere. Then he swings the sledgehammer and when it lands it hurts really bad;
“Can you lend me thirty thousand birr which I’ll return in a month?” All of a sudden every glimmer of being a nice guy just goes off and you don’t have to think twice to answer. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t give you the money.” Then the fellow who came in emergency mode to seek a loan of thirty thousand birr goes into a sort of bargaining game siding as low as two thousand birr! “Ok can you lend me two thousand birr?”
“Sorry, I don’t have any money to lend.”
If curses from earthly mortals sent one to purgatory his unsaid curses could throw you all the way to the farthest corner of the place. Living in a village has all the experiences which could be studies in human interactions and also frustrations which could force you to conclude some wrong species of mankind which should have landed in another planet is amongst us. Yes, frustrations could lead you to all kind of conclusions from the trivial to the bizarre.
So this friend of mine finds himself in this condo. He does some facelift on it trying to give it the look of a modern apartment of the well-heeled. He indeed did a good work and once you are in the living room you’d feel you’re in some moderate apartment. He was all set to lead the quite life with a fifty inch flat screen facing him, a good book in his hands and the bottle by his side. “Live and let live!” Hooray!
A couple of weeks later the rumors start seeping in. People were already talking about him. The stories kept on coming in all shades. The funny part is as he knew no one in the community, not even a single person the rumors reached him from friends who live in other areas. One of his closest friends tried to solve the riddle for hm.
“You have to conform with the ways of the people living there.”
Now that coming from a very close friend got his attention. It might sound harsh on the surface. You have your life and they have theirs. But without going into details and without opening up one’s privacy backroom simple greeting go a long way in making people change their attitudes towards him. He did that; and at present he’s one of the nicer guys in the area and the only thing he does was greet almost everybody even when he doesn’t get proper responses from some. It is odd that when people see you’re not paying their game they seldom say, “Well that’s his choice.” No. By not conforming he has committed some sin that could come very close to cardinal sin.
Aren’t you fed up of people who try to put you on their side of things and when you refuse treat you like you were some kind of an outcast?
Some guy comes and tries to fill you up with what he thinks is politics but actually is absurdity of the lowest kind. You’re supposed to give a one-man standing ovation even when you have no idea what the hell he was talking about. Sometimes you feel such guys are trying to recruit you for some kind of yet to be announced ‘new’ religion. (So many of them seem to be around these days!)
At other times you think the guy is a very late rising Lenin fan who thinks Lenin still leads a quite life in some Siberia or wherever. After all, avid Elvis fans say he is breathing and doing well somewhere else, aren’t they? You think he is telling you if the world just listened to Lenin all what’s happening in our world wouldn’t have happened. Sometimes you think that he is talking about business and he wants you to be part of it; You know, like buying shares and becoming a shareholder. Shareholder! Now, isn’t that one hell of a wonderful music! I mean the very act thinking yourself as a shareholder must have some magic showing you all kinds of things despite all of them being hallucinations or daydreams.)
By the way that Lenin guy was smartly dressed wasn’t he? So one day, so it’s written somewhere else, one of those dreaming ‘to break the chains’ asks, “You’re very well dressed. Why don’t you dress like us?” And good old Lenin says, “I’m trying to raise you up to my level not to go down to your level.
So, being nice or an outcast, the choice is yours!
The Ethiopian Herald January 14/2024