A young lady was recently so frustrated and depressed she was saying all kinds of things and friends were worried. The way she behaved was so strange and unlike her some feared she was headed for the worst. But then the reason for her being so upset was in a way one of those trivial incidents which many wouldn’t have given a second thought. It was something most people would have brushed away and even forgotten within minutes. But for some reason she takes what happened to her as personal offense.
Her story was that she was having a chat with a former friend who recently came home from Europe after more than a decade. They say the two former chums talked about those little and harmless topics which are meant solely for entertainment and time-killing purposes. After minutes it so happened they somehow stumbled upon more sensitive issues; politics and religion. These were the very issues most of us prefer to keep at arm’s length as they are issues which for years have broken relationships and even brought down entire households and put groups against each other. The story later was that it was not the local lady but the former friend who brought up the issues. She first jumps head on into politics and says all kinds of things much of which was nothing but hate-mongering targeting certain individuals, groups and in some ways entire societies.
The local girl listened to every word without much emotion as this was a scenario she sees once in a while though kept her distance from being pulled into all the nonsense, as most so-called talk these days is nothing but nonsense and highly information and knowledge deficient. This time she had a couple of words for the lady who by some tyranny of nature was filled with hatred for some individuals and groups and didn’t even try to hide it. And as it was difficult to take sense and substance where both don’t exist the local girl tells her former fried that she didn’t have to be so hate filled as it impacts on her vision of the real picture. As she talked for several minutes trying to play the nice girl on the block role and sort of a one-woman peacemaker the former friend kept her eyes fixed on her. After the young lady was done with what she wanted to say she pauses and several minutes of uneasy calm descend. The former friend kept while her eyes were still on the young lady.
“Hey. Are you alright?”
“Yes I am. Why do you think I’m not?”
I wasn’t thinking that. Since you remained quite I thought maybe you’re thinking of other things.”
The uneasy calm continued and when the former friend decided to break it she did it in the most despicable of ways.
“I never thought you have joined (such and such) group?”
“What! How do you think of me like that?”
“You’ve changed so much…” and she goes actually accusing the young lady manes. You’ve hanged so much.” the shocked young lady remained quiet and the former friend continues with her political diatribe which was so shockingly elementary. The girl’s friends say there was nothing political about it and it was pure low level gossip and the like. The young girl practically walked out and never answered the former friend’s repeated calls even after she returned to Europe.
They say several months back his same girl had another nasty encounter where she lost still another friend. This time they were talking about various YouTube and TikTok sites. At first, so they say, it was a lovely chat with all kinds of jokes and humor. But that didn’t last. A couple of YouTube sites were raised as the main talking points. Here, all the humor and friendly air practically melted into the thin air. Words that could be synonyms with ‘hatred’ come flying from the friend. The two didn’t have the slightest agreement on any of the sites raised. It so happens that the friend’s hatred for the sites the young girl adored broke all boundaries of and it was difficult to find space for intelligent and polite discussions. The friend goes on to heap insults on the people who run the sites our young lady adored. That was too much for her to take. They say she at first tried to reason with her friend, saying there was no need for insults and verbal abuse. Then the friend turns on her and our young lady becomes a target herself. After they separated, she refused to have anything to do with her friend. No amount of cajoling and convincing could make her change her mind. After that incident, she vowed not to talk to friends again. However, with the lady from Europe, she made the exception and it was a decision she regretted.
These days calm, polite and cultured discussion on any issue even with those closet to us has become difficult. Comments and no-string-attached personal opinions are usually taken out of context and because of it friendships, relationships have gone down the drains.
Look, it’s not about sensitive issues like religion and politics where misunderstandings and the lack of tolerance to hear out the other side create all sorts of hurricanes and mini-tsunamis occur. Yes, issues of religion and politics are still as sensitive as they ever have been and there is no sign of the situation changing for the better any time soon. Many of us still avoid such issues because most of the time such issues end with nastiest kinds of disagreement. The strongest of friendships has been torn to splinters because of such issues. We’re in such crazy times that even EPL games have across the Mediterranean and all the channels brake friendships in our own land! (When it comes to EPL, at times things were so bad with lives being lost people were calling for the banning of EPL games. just for the record.)
So we crave for times where conspiracy theory-free discussions are held with all the politeness, understanding and reasoning which are the only salvations for mankind.
Ephrem Endale
Contributer
THE ETHIOPIAN HERALD SUNDAY EDITION 24 DECEMBER 2023